#I was really unhappy with how the last chapter turned out (still am) so I don’t want to scrape the barrel on this update

[motokeith]

I didn’t forget about Welwitschia, I’m just in a drought

[sodapopwrites]

the first sign of fall chapter five: as sick as it sounds i loved you first

college au, the inner circle boys and the reader are bartenders.

pairings - eris vanserra x reader, a teensy bit of azriel x reader

summary - at the annual hockey party you have two much needed, long time coming, conversations.

word count - 4.2k

a/n - okay okay guys we're on our way to HEALING. this is good. i don't know man. at least they're all finally starting to communicate a little bit. I mean it's mostly her but hey she is drunk word vomiting. they boys don't have much room to talk. also they're stupid men....so.

read the rest of the series here!

You didn’t want to work. Didn’t want to get out of bed. Didn’t want to do anything. Blankets wrapped around you, cacooning you in a soft straight jacket of warmth. You hadn’t moved in hours despite being awake. Nothing seemed to really matter lately. Your shades were drawn. Darkness shrouding your room. 

Empty. You felt empty. Your apartment a shallow husk of a home. 

You thought of your favorite sweater, still at Eris’ apartment. Your hairbrush and your good pair of sneakers. Plants that had previously sat on the shelves of your room, now resting on the window sill of Eris’ living room. The sleep you had grown accustomed to. Warm and comfortable. His bedsheets cool against your skin and the smell of his cologne drifting through your nose. His fingers combing through your hair. His kisses along your collarbone to wake you up. Wasted. By what? A game you had played along with for traditions sake. For what? 

Eris. The day you had met him. Your freshman year. Two years ago.  In his white cable knit sweater, fraying around the edges. Expensive things he let go into disarray as if he didn’t care. A carefully curated look of dishevelment. His smirk and his glittering eyes. The way you could never get yourself to talk to him. The way his swaggering confidence and sharp remarks scared you shitless. The way his eyes would sometimes meet yours across crowded coffee shops, quiet libraries, or crushingly packed parties. Like he could taste just how much you wanted to talk to him. The way you had fallen in love with him from a distance. 

The clock strikes one and you groan. Pulling your blanket over your head and rolling onto your stomach, before sliding out of your bed. Unwilling and unhappy. Fine. Work it is. You couldn’t call out. Rhys would kill you if Cassian was the only bartender. Nothing seemed to get done when Cassian was the only bartender. 

★ ★ ★

“So let me get this straight.” Cassian set several glasses on the counter top and angled his body towards you, “You think that avoiding both Az and Eris is the best way to go about things?” 

You don’t look at him. Shaking your head you continue washing the bar glasses, “I’m not avoiding Azriel. He isn’t talking to me….Just like last time.” 

“Maybe he’s waiting for you to say something.” 

Cassian moved closer to you. Forcing your attention away from the dishes. You huff a breath of vague annoyance and turn to meet his eyes. 

“What am I supposed to say?” 

He didn’t have an answer for you. He shrugged and pulled the glass out of your hands and nudged you away from the sink. Choosing to take your task instead of answering you. You look past him towards the clock on the wall. 

“I have to go. My shift is over and Az will be here any second.” 

“See. Avoiding.” 

You don’t respond as you take off your apron and tuck it beneath the bar, grabbing your bag, and heading for the door. You’re almost in the clear. Almost. You run directly into Azriel as he slides through the doorway. Muttering an apology you try to push past him, but he grabs your arm. Finally you look up from his chest to those hazel eyes, boring into you, studying your every slight facial expression. He opens his mouth to say something, but closes it before any words manage to escape. 

“Have uh…have a good shift.” 

With that your out the door. The cold fall wind whipping through your hair and stinging your cheeks red. You stand outside the bar. Out of breath from the one brief interaction with Azriel. The look he gave you still seared into your sightline. You look around the street. Empty, the streetlights just flickering on as it hit dusk, leaves no longer that buttery yellow and orange but a burnt red. Fall in full flush. The crisp air felt like an assault on your lungs. 

A ding from your phone snapped you out of the trance the weather had bewitched upon you. Mor. 

Mor: Come to the party with me tonight. 

You sigh. That was the last thing you wanted to do. The hockey team’s halloween party. The last thing you wanted to do. Another ding interrupts your response. 

Mor: I know you don’t want to go. But if I have to get drunk by myself imagine what could happen to me. 

You chuckle at the vague hint towards a catastrophe. You type out a response, 

You: What could possibly happen to you Morrigan?

Mor: Uhm…I have to be sexy by myself. Which is a damn shame. 

You pull your bottom lip between your teeth. Gnawing the already bitten raw flesh. A nervous tick. One that had been rearing it’s ugly head in the last couple weeks. You nod to yourself. Steeling yourself. You could do this. 

You: Fine. 

She didn’t respond. You knew she’d be at your apartment to pick you up in a couple hours anyway. 

★ ★ ★

“Stop fidgeting with your dress. You look good.” Mor hissed at you as you pulled your skirt down for what had to be the fourth time in the last couple minutes. 

The party was loud, the lights were low, and you were already three shots in, and working on your third drink. It was way too strong. One of Mor’s famous concoctions. It seemed the only way to get through this night. Your eyes scanned the room for familiar faces. You knew Azriel would show up. You knew Eris would be there two. Neither of them ever missed this party. You had been constantly scanning the room for Cassian’s towering form, knowing that Az and Rhys wouldn’t be far behind him. Luckily for you they hadn’t shown yet. 

You reached up to rub your neck. There was still a bruise there from where Azriel had sunk his teeth. That light red mark a reminder of the horrible decision you had made. You hadn’t heard from Eris since he told you he was done. You supposed that maybe you should stop expecting to hear from him. But the silence still hurt. It stretched through your mind constantly. That lack of communication. The gravity of the quiet. 

Mor looked you up and down. Her eyes narrowing as she flipped her hair over her shoulder and turned to face you fully, taking the cup out of your hands and pulling your arms lightly. 

“Loosen up. Come on. Let’s dance.” 

You hang your head and try to pull out of her grip, but when she wanted something she got it. So you begrudgingly let her drag you to the dance floor. Letting your body move with hers as the buzz of your drinks settled over you like a warm blanket. For a couple minutes, as the music washed over you, the bass pumping along with your heartbeat, you let yourself forget. About everything. 

But like all peaceful moments it didn’t last long. Out of the corner of your eye, through the flashing neon lights, and the swarm of people, you caught sight of him. Well you caught sight of a flash of auburn hair and a flash of freckles across cream skin. Eris. His face half covered by a golden mask that looked awfully like a fox. His hand on the small of some girls back. The girl wasn’t someone you knew. Another accessory. He had gone back to being exactly what everyone thought he was. 

You allow girls to accompany you to parties. You don’t date. 

Your words to him swam through your ears. A violet wave of memory. Something sour climbed its way up your throat and into your mouth. You pulled out of Mor’s grasp and searched frantically for a bathroom. Spotting it across the room you made straight for the door. Pushing past everyone. The crowd suddenly suffocating. The people bumping into eachother, jumping, huddled together. The music reverberating through the room. All of it overwhelming. All of it too loud. Suffocating. 

Azriel had just walked into the party. Cassian and Rhysand on either side of him. The first thing he saw was you. Booking it to the bathroom. Your eyes frantic and your hand coming to cover your mouth. He made to follow you, knowing exactly what was about to happen. And then he saw it. Eris had clocked you the same second he had. Both men made eye contact. Standing a couple feet away from eachother. Neither moving. Neither following. 

Eris had seen you before you saw him. You looked damn good. He was absolutley sure that Mor had put you in that outfit. The skirt a little too short. Your hair curled the same way Mor’s always was. You skin gleaming from sweat. The heat of the room making your every inch sparkle a little under the lights. Your eyes closed as you danced. Body swaying in time with the beat of the music. You looked too good. His jaw clenched. He was making sure to get closer to the girl he had brought. Making sure to make it very clear that this was his date. He saw the way your expression shifted. Saw the way the panic in you seemd to surface. It was almost like he heard the saw words you did. 

You allow girls to accompany you to parties. You don’t date. 

He hated every second of it. Every second of get back. But if he had to play the part. For you. For your friends he would do it.  Play the asshole. Be whatever it is that they wanted him to be. Over you? Yeah sure he could play pretend for a night. It was nothing right? It was casual. No labels. Just company. 

Eris thought of when he first saw you. His sophomore year. Two years ago. In your leather jacket. Your hair cut short. Your quiet remarks to your friends that always seemed to make them laugh. The blush that would spread across your cheeks when he’d meet your gaze. When he’d notice the way you stared. The way you were always flanked by your guard dogs. Cassian and Azriel. Sometimes Morrigan and Amren. Always too accompanied to approach. Your coy smile and your heavy lashes. A sight for sore eyes at every suffocating party and overly heated coffee shop. An ever present distraction. The way he would laugh louder to see if it would draw your attention, and it always did. The way that he had finally gotten you alone at the start of term party this year. When years of passing interaction, casual hellos, and a warm smile had finally gotten him into your life. 

And then he saw Azriel. Saw how Az noticed you fleeing the dance floor just as he did. Noticed the way that his body was arched into your pursuit the same way his own was. Both feeling that incessant need to make sure you were okay. Their eyes met. Play the part. Let him have it. Be what they want you to be. He broke eye contact with Azriel and bent his head in submission. Go on. The motion seemed to say. You play your part and I’ll play mine. Eris leaned back down to the girl he had brought. Pretending to listen to whatever she was saying as his eyes trailed Azriel to the bathroom. Nodding, not paying attention as he followed shadowsinger across the floor and stood at the closed bathroom door, listening to the conversation held within. 

★ ★ ★

You didn’t want to throw up. You paced the small bathroom clutching your stomach. You were a bartender for fucks sake. If you couldn’t hold your alcohal then what was the point? You clenched your eyes shut and shook your head. Trying not to let anything come up. Slowly you sank to the ground. Letting your head fall against the wall behind you, your hand clutching the rim of the toilet as if in preparation for what was to come. 

The door creaked open and Azriel slid into the room. White t shirt, soaked with blood, clinging to his frame. His hair greased and parted down the middle. A plastic curved knife tucket into the belt loop of his jeans. Billy Loomis. Of course he had dressed up as Billy Loomis. You had watched scream together last year. You vaguely remembered telling him he’d look damn good dressed up like that, before Cassian snorted and said something about it somehow not being emo enough and god forbid Az wear anything but a black shirt. 

He crouched down next to you. Slowly pushing the hair out of your face and moving your body towards the toilet. Holding your hair in one hand and gently brushing a hand over your back as he whispered, 

“Just let it out.” 

You shook your head. Humming your disagreement. But the movement of your body, the small shift in your position, the shake of your head. It sent you over the edge and you lurched over the toilet. Wretching and coughing. Azriel softly shushed you, trying his best to be comforting, trying to be soothing. He had held your hair back while you vomited more times than he could remember. Freshman year was your black out drunk year and he remembered it well. 

Slowly you raised your head, blinking through watery eyes at Azriel. His concerned expression did nothing to calm the storm in your stomach. In your head. You sucked in a shuddering breath and he tilted his head. 

“Why do you only like me when I’m sad?” 

Your question was like a knife to his gut. A sharp, achingly cold, pain twisting it’s way through his organs. He slightly shook his head as if he didn’t understand. You sniffled, hiccuping slightly as you continued, 

“You dont…You only want me when you can’t have me or when I’m so fucking distraught that I can’t think straight.” 

Twisting. Pushing deeper. That knife. Like you wanted his insides to spill out and his blood to drench your hands. 

“Why?” 

A whisper. Small and pleading. He couldn’t think of something to say. His mind completely blank. You push his hands away from you. Off your shoulder and out of your hair. Scrambling away from his contact. 

“I left. That first time. Because I was so fucking scared that when you woke up you’d pretend it didn’t happen. That we’d go back to being friends and act like nothing had changed. I left because I was convinced it didn’t mean anything to you and I just didn’t want to hear you say it. I didn’t want to see the regret on your face if I was still there.” 

You never talked about it. A silent agreement to never talk about what happened two years ago. Your first comment on it brought a horrified look to his face that he couldn’t wipe away fast enough. But he tried. Tried to reknit his brows and close his mouth, 

“You’re drunk” 

You wave your hands and shake your head, “No. No. I didn’t want to just be a pity fuck that you didn’t care about. That you didn’t ever want to talk about. So I left and I hoped you’d prove me wrong and you never did. You stayed silent and we never fucking talked about it again. Because I was right.” 

“You weren’t” 

Azriel wanted to believe it. Wanted to be able to tell you that you were wrong. Wanted to tell you it was more than that. But that knife in his gut. It was all he could focus on. The sharp blade of reality. He wanted you when you were sad. Something to fix. Something he could try to piece back together. But he knew you were never something he could hold together. So he was there when you needed rebuilding. Your voice struck him again, 

“I was. I was right.” 

You rose to your feet now. Pushing past him as he stood to try and block you. Shoving your hands into his chest to get him to move out of your way. 

“You only like me when I’m sad.” 

You clutched the door handle and wiped your face hastily. Trying to rid yourself of any crying evidence. Not wanting to look a mess in front of the people you knew were lined up outside the bathroom door. 

“I had something. Someone. That wanted me when I was whole. When I was happy. Someone who made me happy.” 

He reached for you and you flinched away, “And I let you ruin it because for some reason I kept thinking. How could I deserve it?  And now look at me.” 

You motioned around the bathroom, at yourself. As if you could illustrate the hollow feeling in your gut. In your chest. 

Azriel muttered your name. The only thing he could think to say. You pressed your lips into a tight line and took a deep breath before leaving him to stand alone in the bathroom. 

★ ★ ★

You pushed your way through the sweltering room. The patio. The front steps. It didn’t matter. Outside. You just wanted to be outside. You bump into Rhys before you can get to the door. His hands reaching to clasp your shoulders. His face etched with worry. His eyes scanning your face and one hand smoothing your hair down. 

“You okay?” 

You could barely hear him over the din of the party. You nod quickly and push his worrying hands away, 

“You got a cigarette?” 

“Uh yeah?” 

He reached into his chest pocket and pulled out a pack, handing you one, and slipping a lighter into your free hand as you tuck the cigarette behind you ear. Pushing past him you head for the door once more. Slipping out. Relishing in the way the cool october air pricked at your exposed skin. The way it burned your nostrils and finally provided a steady gust of air to your lungs. You walk to the curb, sitting down and fumbling with the lighter that Rhys had given you. 

Trying to light the cigarette proved difficult with the halloween wind and the light rain now dripping from the velvet sky. Someone tall moved to stand in front of you, blocking you from the breeze and the drizzle. Finally allowing the lighter to spark to life. You muttered a thank you, taking a long drag, and finally looked up at the figure before you. 

Eris. 

“I thought you didn’t want to talk to me” Smoke flowed past your lips as you said it. He offered a half hearted smile before crouching to sit on the curb next to you. Someone who made me happy. Your words to Azriel echoing in Eris’ ears as he sat. 

“I just wanted a smoke.” 

He pulled the cigarette from your fingers and took a drag. Holding eye contact with you like a challenge. 

“That girl finally bore the shit out of you?” You shouldn’t comment on it. On her. You had no right. You were never really together in the first place and after what you had done. Running to Azriel as soon as Eris said he was done with you. You shouldn’t comment on it. 

He shrugged and tried his best to blow the smoke away from you as he exhaled. He turned back towards you. His eyes wandering across your face, down your neck, across your shoulders, and then suddenly backtracking. Back to the crook of your neck. That ever fading bite mark. That last physical reminder. His eyes stayed there. The deep russet color now smoldering. 

“You finally done with Az? Or is that just getting started?” 

“There’s nothing to start. There never was. I…get that now.” 

He snorted and brought the cigarette back to his lips. You ran your tongue across your teeth. Trying to think of something to say. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for. You did exactly what you were expected to.” He paused and you spoke again, 

“Is that what you’re doing? Bringing a date here?” 

He shrugged again. Play the part. Eyes still boring their way through your soul. That slight bit of connection. That eye contact. However frustrated, however angry, filling some sort of hole that he had left in you. You sigh deeply and stare at your shoes. Lightly tapping your heels together like maybe the motion would somehow bring you home. Straight back into his arms. But it wouldn’t. 

“You know. We don’t have to stay the way other people see us.” 

Something in his gaze softened. Like your words had cracked through his walls. Built some sort of window that could be opened into a real conversation. So you continued, 

“Something to be fixed or someone to hate. Angry. We don’t have to be angry.” 

“Are you angry?” His voice was cool. Like he didn’t want you to know that he really did wonder if you were angry with him. For pushing you out. For being unwilling to talk after one issue. 

“Not at you. At myself for…” You trailed off. Eyes going distant. Voice growing soft and much much warmer. “Do you remember when we first met? You were wearing that white sweater. The one with the holes in it.” 

He tried not to smile. He didn’t think you remembered that. Didn’t know if you even really bothered to remember anything about him before he had managed to convince you to let him into your life for real. He nodded, looking away from you. 

“You know…When you finally made a move on me a couple months ago. I couldn’t fucking believe it. Eris Vanserra, could have anyone he wants, heir to his fathers company, ever charming, hockey super star, total fucking asshole to everyone….was talking to me like he really cared what I had to say.” 

He still wasn’t looking at you. He had hung his head and closed his eyes. As if remembering that night himself. 

“I don’t know if you were going to say it in the locker room. It seemed like you were. But…” You slump your shoulders before standing up and brushing yourself off. Leaves falling from where they had stuck to your legs. He turned to look at you, his eyes searching, almost pleading. Like he was begging you not to say what you were about to say. 

“As sick as it sounds. I loved you first Eris. I was just waiting for you to notice and then when you did I was so fucking scared that you would do what everyone told me you would do, that you’d fuck me and then leave me like it was nothing.” 

Again it felt like you were going to throw up, “And you proved them wrong. And that was scarier. Because what if I didn’t deserve it.” 

He tried to say something, but you cut him off. “You don’t have to say anything. You don’t have to forgive me. Maybe you shouldn’t. But I just…” 

You shake your head. Almost like you were giving up and started to walk away. You were going to toss one final thing over your shoulder. But you squared your shoulder and looked at him. He was standing now, like he wanted to follow you. Like he wanted to walk you home. Something he had grown so used to doing. But he didn’t budge as you said, 

“I feel empty without you.” 

A small smile spread across his face. A smile he had thrown at you when everything was okay. When you two were good. When you were happy. Mischievous. Fox like and sly. 

“Not like that. Not like in a sexual way. In the like I miss you way. Asshole.” 

A small laugh escaped his lips at that. At your slight teasing tone. You stare at each other for a moment before you say, serious now, 

“I miss you.” 

And with that you turned and started to walk down the street. You had to go home. You didn’t want to talk to any of your friends. Didn’t want to face Azriel again. Didn’t want to drink anymore or dance or act like everything was fine. 

He wanted to say it back. Every bone in his body screaming at him to say it back. To tell you that he missed you too. But he couldn’t. You were too far away. Too drunk. Too sad. 

But that smile he had given you. That teasing tone that you had held for even a split second. A small glimmer of hope. Maybe there was something to salvage there. 

Azriel leaned against the doorframe of the house. He had been watching the conversation you had with Eris. Not able to hear it, but monitoring from afar. He had followed you out. To try and talk. Try and apologize for everything. For how stupid he had been. He didn’t want to lose you…as a friend. Above all else as a friend. As family. That’s what you were supposed to be. You and everyone else in your friend group. Family. Your final words were all he had managed to hear. 

I miss you. 

Something you would have never said to him. Rightly so, Azriel supposed. Eris eventually turned away from your fleeting form and met Azriel’s eyes. Az wondered how long Eris had known he was skulking in the background. He offered Eris a small nod. A small concession. Eris nodded back. 

A brief. Silent. Understanding of sorts maybe. 

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[eatmeandbirthmeagain]

hello! a little fic request I’ve been thinking on, not pressuring you to write it or anything, just wanted to share.

the y/n is a hot tempered foreign princess who got married to Baldwin when they were both children. she’s very energetic, straightforward, man-like in her character, but has to adapt to fit in the court of Jerusalem and also to „suit” her husband’s calm manner and the fact that he’s ill doesn’t help.

she’s unhappy about it; maybe even tears a little during the wedding, but doesn’t let anyone to think she may be vulnerable (mostly because she understand that that can be used against her in the future after Baldwin dies). but over the time she finds herself drawn to Baldwin because, well, unlike her teachers, he lets her study and play chess with him. he cares about her desires and interests. he also respects her, not just like a woman but as a friend, and a clever one. maybe some of her advice on the politics is used by him at some point (which would be absolutely unrealistic, but really, we’re talking historical romance with a leper king here…). a cute detail would be him gifting her a weapon of some sort to protect herself because he knows how she doesn’t like being treated like she’s helpless. bonus points if he says something romantic and or pathos’y about it.

did I write this whole oc story as a multiple chapter fanfiction in my head? yes, I did. am I going to finish it? absolutely no. but I’d love to read your interpretation!

♧ "Princess" - King Baldwin x Reader ♧

♧ Angst ♧

A/N: Hello Anon! So sorry for taking so long to write this, ive had so many requests. I'm not sure if this is what you had in mind but it was my interpretation and I hope you like it! I dont really like how it turned out as your request had so much detail and my writing does that no justice, but I hope its okay ☺️! As always, this is based on the film Kingdom Of Heaven, not the real historical figgures. This is also set pre-film. Enjoy!

TW: Leprosy

At thirteen years old, marriage was the last thing on young y/n’s mind. But yet, here she was. Soon to arrive in the city of Jerusalem, to be wed to a boy she had only ever met a handful of times.

Baldwin the fourth. The leper, who's mother just so happend to be ready to find him a wife at the same time her father was ready to find her a husband.

She sat in silence for the entire journey, this was uncommon for her. She usually always had something interesting to say or something to observe with curiosity. But as per request by her father, from now on she “had to act like a proper lady. No more of this ridiculous 'masculine' behavior”.

“You will be wed to a king y/n” he had told her. “You must stop acting the way you do. No king will be allowed such behavior from his wife”. 

Her attempt to keep to herself for the journey had been successful so far. She remained silent and still. Just as her mother taught her. “Just how a lady should be”. 

As the city came into view, y/n felt tears begin to burn her eyes. She would never again be allowed to explore the wilderness on her fathers land, or read every book she was allowed to have from the library. She surrendered herself to a life of boredom and suppression. 

Once exiting the carriage, she was greeted by the royal officials as well as the king's mother.

“I am so pleased to finally meet you young lady" she greeted her with a smile "you shall make a fine wife for my son” . Y/n thanked her and was ushered off quickly to prepare her for the hour of the wedding.

Y/n held back tears as servants worked busily around the room. Dressing her in beautiful garments, jewelry, and makeup. She was distraught. But she dare not cry. They could not see her so weak.

----------------------

The events proceeded and y/n barely even looked at the boy she was marrying. She could not bring herself to make eye contact with the man who would rule her life forever.

They told her to smile. “No man wants to see a lady disappointed on her wedding day” the king's mother had told her before they entered the church.

Baldwin himself was nervous about this day but just enthusiastic. Unlike y/n, he was looking forward to being wed to a young woman. He did not want just a wife to serve him, but a companion too. Someone who he could speak to about all kinds of things. Someone who would love him as much as he loved them. When he saw her, she looked beautiful, but sad. Very sad.

He hoped she was not sad about marrying him. Perhaps his illness deterred her from wanting to even be near him.

But she was still beautiful. She was 14, just like him. He could not take his eyes off her. He had met her a few times before, and she interested him deeply, even though they barely spoke. He more so just watched her play and talk with the other young people from his bedroom chamber window, longing to join them if it was not for his illness.

She played more with the young boys than she did with the girls. Always full of energy and life, always talking and laughing. But now, she looked different. As if the light had been drained from her. 

--------------------

When the wedding was over, the young king and queen got acquainted in the boy's chambers. She still seemed very quiet and unsure about his presence.

“Are you alright?” He asked her the second they were alone. “Yes your highness” she replied in a small voice, very different to the excitable tone she used to have. She sighed and lowered herself onto the small couch, turning away from him to look at her hands.

Baldwin thought for a moment, but then remembered that his mother requested he chose a wedding gift to present her after the affairs.

“I have a gift for you,” he said happily, lightening the mood.

He noticed her eyes light up a little at the comment. “You do?”

“Yes, would you like to see it?”

Y/n nodded excitedly, a smile forming on her face for the first time all day. The boy stood and disappeared behind the red, satin curtains that covered the large windows. He returned a few seconds later with something behind his back and a wide smile.

"I had to hide it, so my mother did not see what I chose for you" he explained. This peeked y/n's intrest greatly.

“Alright, close your eyes, '' he told her, the smile still plastered to his face. Y/n shut her eyes with anticipation. When he told her to open her eyes, she was lost for words. In the young king's bandaged hands, he held a shining silver sword with a pale pink ribbon tied around the handle.

Her eyes widened and stared at the sword for a long time before taking it in her hands to admire it. “Do you like it?” he asked, cautiously, hoping he had not offended her.

“Baldwin.. I love it!!” she exclaimed with a grin, jumping to her feet and wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him into a tight hug. The smile returned to his face and he put his arms around her waist.

“Now you can defend yourself my love. No wife of mine will be left vulnerable, even if there are men to protect her. She will defend herself, because she is strong.” His words filled the queen with happiness and hope. Perhaps her father was wrong after all and she could remain as herself. At least in the presence of her husband. 

-------------------

From that day on, they were inseparable. Unlike y/n’s tutors and parents, he allowed her access to his entire private library so they could study and read together. He allowed her time to herself, so she could do the things she loved without anybody telling her how to behave.

He quite often went as far as to seek her out for advice on political issues, not allowing her straightforward intelligence to go to waste.

Overtime, y/n became used to her duties as queen, but as much as she learnt to fit the role, she treasured her time alone with Baldwin. He cared about her interests, her desires. He respected her, more than anyone else ever had. They played chess together as well, each game being a delightful battle of the mind.

He saw her as not just a wife, but as a companion and an intelligent one at that. And for this, she would be forever greatful.

[surftrips]

butterflies — part three.

pairing: rafe cameron x female reader

summary: after returning home from college for the summer, y/n runs into rafe cameron and the two form an unlikely relationship.

word count: 2043

a/n: little bit of a longer chapter, but i am having so much fun with this series! let me know what u think in the comments or my ask box :) masterlist.

You couldn’t believe what you were looking at on your phone screen.

Incoming call… Dylan.

Was your ex seriously calling you now, two months after the breakup? Weeks after you had begun spending nearly every single day with Rafe Cameron? 

“Y/N? What’s wrong?” Rafe asked, sensing the anxiety coming from your body. 

You two were sitting in his car on a particularly hot day trying to cool down when the sound of your ringtone interrupted the comfortable silence. 

“It- it’s Dylan,” you responded, voice shaking. 

“Dylan? Like Dylan, Dylan? Dylan, your ex?”

“Yeah, yeah. Like my ex, Dylan. What do I do?” 

“Don’t pick up. Nothing he says can be good.” 

Even though you were the one to break up with him, you admittedly had moments where you found yourself close to pressing on his contact in your phone and apologizing. Part of you wanted to make amends, the other part of you was screaming to move on. 

Rafe agreed with this other part of you. After you had told him specific details from your relationship and how he treated you, he wanted you far away from him. 

You two continued to sit in silence as you stared at your phone and waited for it to go to voicemail. 

“Do you think he’s leaving a message?” you asked.

“Who cares? Come on, let’s go get dinner somewhere.” 

You hesitatingly agreed, but as you pulled into the drive-thru of a local burger joint, you couldn’t help but feel disappointed at the lack of a notification alerting you that Dylan had left you a voicemail. 

I care, you thought. I care if he still cares about me. I loved him. 

—

Rafe dropped you off at your house a little after 11 pm. You waved him off and started to head inside. 

You walked upstairs to your bedroom, ready to take a shower and settle in for the night. 

However, as you were about to turn on the water, the familiar sound of your ringtone broke the silence for the second time that day. 

You looked down at your screen, heartbeat picking up at the words.

Incoming call… Dylan.

What do you do? Rafe had made it very clear he didn’t like the guy. But this guy was the same person you had spent the last year and a half with. Maybe he deserved some closure after you had left him so abruptly? 

Suddenly, all of the bad things he had done to you were irrelevant. You couldn’t seem to remember why you were unhappy with him in the first place.

So, you told yourself it must have been muscle memory that you hit the accept button and pressed your phone to your ear, eager to hear a familiar voice. 

“Y/N?” he said. 

“Dylan?” 

“I didn’t think you would pick up.”

“I didn’t think I would either. What’s going on?” 

“I just… uhm.” You heard him cough on the other side. “I just wanted to see how you were doing, that's all.” 

“Oh.” Rafe would kill me if he knew I was talking to you right now. “I’m alright, how’s your summer going?”

“Good, good. Pretty boring, actually.” 

You sighed. He was never a good communicator. Rafe was always straight to the point. You liked that about him.

“Dylan, what do you want?” 

“What, I can’t call my ex and ask her how she’s doing without having an ulterior motive?”

You could tell he said that as an attempt to lighten the mood, but you were in no such state to joke around with him. 

“No, not really, considering we didn’t end on the best terms.” 

He was silent for a moment. 

“Okay, fine. I was thinking we should get back together— and before you interrupt me and say no, hear me out.” 

“Dylan, are you serious right now?” 

“I said, hear me out! You said you broke up with me because I was too attached to you, right? I was too codependent or something?” 

When you didn’t respond right away, he continued. 

“Well, I think I can be better now. Now that I’m back at home, I’m a different person. I think school was just making me stressed and I feel like I wasn’t in the right state of mind to be in a relationship.” 

“What happens when we go back to school then? You’ll go back to your old ways?”

“No, Y/N. I know better now. Look, I’ve realized what I lost, okay? I’m not stupid, I know how lucky I was to have you. I know that I wasn’t the perfect boyfriend, but please, give me another chance. I promise I will be better.” 

Again, you were silent. 

“Y/N?” he said after a while. “You still there?” 

“Yeah, yeah. I just… don’t know what to say. I mean, I broke up with you, why would you want to get back together? I thought you would hate me or something.” 

“I could never hate you, love. You know that.” 

Shit. That name always worked on you. 

“Can you just give me some time to think about it?”

“Yes, yes of course,” he said, relief evident in his tone. “I love you, Y/N. You don’t have to say it back or anything, but I do. I always have.” 

After you hung up, you allowed your body to crash onto your bed. 

Oh my god, what am I doing? Am I seriously considering getting back together with my shitty ex-boyfriend? He can’t be serious about trying again? 

On the other hand, you didn’t feel like there were many options for you. Clearly, your fling with Rafe was not going to end up in a committed relationship before the end of the summer. And back at school, well, you felt very insecure. 

Dylan was your only chance at any sort of social life at Duke. Without him, you would probably be in your dorm room every night watching shitty romcoms and eating takeout. Being with Dylan made you feel special, he made you feel seen. 

You remember how hard it was to make friends when you started college. How you found yourself struggling to keep up with frat parties and sorority recruitments, always feeling one step behind everyone else. 

What would life be like when you got back to school in the fall? You were ashamed to realize that many of your friends were Dylan’s first, and none of them had hesitated to take his side in the breakup. 

And he did say that he loved you. No one outside of your family had ever said that to you, let alone show you any form of affection. All throughout high school you watched as all of your friends began dating people, wondering where you went wrong. Were you not deserving of love as well? 

Dylan was the first person to make you feel loved and supported. 

Oh god, I fucked up, didn’t I? I ruined the one real thing I’ve ever known. 

—

Hey, wanna hang out today?

You were typing a response to Rafe’s text when you heard the doorbell ring. 

“Surprise!”

“Rafe? What are you doing? My birthday already passed!”

“Y/N, I know when your birthday is. Today is another special day, and I’m surprised you don’t know it.”

You racked your brain for all the possibilities: birthdays, anniversaries, holidays… 

“Oh god, it isn’t your birthday, is it?” 

“No, it is not. But that makes me sad you don’t know my birthday.” 

“Rafe, please just tell me what day it is.” 

“Why, Y/N, it is July 17th. It has been exactly three months since you broke up with that pathetic excuse of a man.” 

“Oh, oh wow.” 

“I know, right? Time moves fast when you’re single and thriving! Look, I even got you a little cake.” 

He presented you with a mini cake decorated with yellow flowers that read Congratulations! in blue icing. 

“I couldn’t find one that said ‘Congratulations on being single!’ at the grocery store so I settled on this one. They really need to start expanding their selection,” he said. 

“Rafe, I don’t even know what to say.” 

If not for last night, you would have been swooning over this gesture. It was quite literally one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for you. 

However, last night did happen and you felt awful. Here was wonderful and caring Rafe Cameron at your doorstep presenting you with a cake for breaking up with your shitty ex, and now you had to tell him you had decided to get back together with said shitty ex. 

“Y/N? What’s wrong?” 

Rafe was always so good at sensing when you’re off. You hated that about him. Dylan could never read your feelings, and maybe it was because you didn’t want him to. 

“I’m sorry, is this too much? Am I overstepping? I thought it would be a fun little thing to do, but—” Rafe was beginning another one of his apology spirals and you weren’t going to let him continue. 

“No, please. This is amazing of you and I genuinely appreciate it so much. I appreciate you, so much. I’m so grateful for our friendship…” 

“But?” Again, he could tell that something was wrong. 

“But, I’ve decided that I’m going to get back together with Dylan.” 

Now, he was speechless.

You continued, “He called again last night. We talked, and he said that he’s going to try and be a better boyfriend. He’s had some time to reflect this summer, and he really loves me, and I don’t know I…” 

Now it was Rafe’s turn to interrupt you. 

“You really believe that?”

“What?”

“You really believe that he’s going to be better? That he’s going to be any different from how he was to you last year?” 

Rafe Cameron, always straight to the point.

The thing about being straight to the point is that it sometimes feels like a shot to the heart. 

“I’m not naive. Or stupid,” you said, anger growing in your voice. “Yes, I really do believe him. Because I know him, and I know he loves me and I’m sorry if that’s so hard for you to believe, that I can be loved, but it’s true!” 

“Y/N- that is not what I was implying at all.”

“Then what were you implying?” 

“I just mean,” he sighed. “I know guys like Dylan. They don’t change, ever. They talk a lot of shit but their actions stay the same. You deserve someone so much better.” 

You scoffed, “Don’t you see? There is no one better! No one else is going to want me or love me the way he does! Before him, no one ever looked at me! I was invisible!” 

Rafe’s face was beginning to break. His facade was cracking. 

“You call how he treated you love? Y/N, he wouldn’t let you go anywhere without him! He pushed you away from all your friends and family, and now, now he’s manipulating you into getting back together with him!” 

Tears were beginning to stream down your face now, but you didn’t care. You never wanted to see Rafe again. He made you feel like a little girl again, someone who couldn’t make her own decisions or take care of herself. He had diminished your feelings and cast them aside, for what? Because he didn’t like Dylan? 

Well, he didn’t know Dylan like you did.

“Can you please just leave?” you finally asked. 

Rafe Cameron always knew when to stop pushing. “Y/N, I just want you to take some time to think about this. Text or call me tonight, okay?” 

You nodded silently, having already made up your mind. 

—

Surely, they are just friends. Rafe would never do anything to jeopardize his relationship with Y/N. She has come to mean the world to him, and losing her would be like trying to breathe without air. 

As he walked off from her house that morning, frustrated at himself and at the world, he thought I care, I care about you so much, I might even care about you more than you care about me. 

Then, I wish I could tell you.

—

TAGLIST: @holy-macncheese-balls @everythingmarveltopgun @maybankslover (let me know if you want to be added!)

[lirarey]

See you again (chapter 4 — ending)

That evening, Jane anxiously sorted through her things, trying to put her thoughts in order. The girl is frankly not used to talking about such difficult topics. What if everything goes badly and everyone decides that she's crazy?..

"You're not crazy," it sounded behind her, "but I still wonder what's going on."

Jane turned around with a start. The last phrase happened to be spoken out loud. Carlos was standing in the doorway of her room.

"I understand that everyone sometimes wants to be alone..." The guy broke off, and she remembered that one of his fears had always been loneliness. Without realizing it, Jane was hurting him even more. "But you weren't even here at your own birthday party. And you stopped practicing magic altogether. Something happened?"

"Magic is dangerous. Even for me," she replied quietly. "Mom was right."

"You never thought that. What happened?"

"I was in reality where you're dead!" Blue flames flared up from the surge of strong emotions on her fingertips, and Jane abruptly clenched her hands into fists, calming down. "Because of this, the magic is completely out of control. What kind of fairy am I if I can't even figure out my essence?"

"Did I dead?.." He took a tentative step forward. "Another reality? Little star, what are you talking about?"

"I've been living in another one all this year. The reality where you died shortly after my birthday. One day you didn't wake up. Cardiac arrest in sleep caused by a decrease in heart rate." Turning away, Jane ran her palm over the frame of the floor mirror, but pulled her hand away, feeling the familiar tingling in her fingers. "I've never seen more mourning in Auradon in my entire life. Even those who didn’t fully approve of the opening of the barrier expressed regret. So many people gathered... Mal tried to hide her tears, but there was a tremor in her voice. Evie came without makeup for the first time. She was visibly shaking, and Doug was holding her elbow. Jay and Lonnie came up later: they couldn't find Dude anywhere. Who would have thought that he would jump into my arms. He whined so quietly. He didn't want to talk to anyone. Even Ben didn't finish his speech. Everyone was shocked."

Carlos froze, listening intently to her every word. Now he looked strangely like a Dalmatian, which his mother disliked so much. All the muscles were tense, except for the wide-open eyes. She talked and talked, recalling the smallest details, not shutting up, afraid to stumble and see disbelief in his reaction. The fire in her hands flared up every now and then, but she had to restrain himself.

"Jane," Carlos crossed the small distance between them and took the tips of his fingers, still hot from the magical fire, in his palms, "Take a deep breath. I believe you."

It's amazing how just three words can affect a person. A wave of relief swept through her body.

"I really felt bad that day. You know, it feels like your heart is falling down... I woke up because of Dude." A grin broke through the serious tone. "He said that he was hungry and offered to have a snack. I didn't feel like sleeping anymore, so I agreed. In the morning, I didn't even remember what had happened. Considering your words, the picture is starting to take shape."

"To take shape?.."

"Yes. I can't know the exact reason, but it's not for nothing that many villains were brought back to life for the sake of being imprisoned on the Isle." Carlos smiled bitterly, closing his eyes. "Maybe no matter what I do, I'll always be a villain."

A villain. Of course. How Jane didn't figure it out before? There're almost no people left who would treat guests from the Isle badly, but after all, long-term habits aren't so easy to eradicate. To live for years in a place where you don't want to go back. To find salvation only in the company of the same unhappy children. Uma criticized Ben at the time for not fully fulfilling his intentions to study the villainous descendants in Auradon, but Jane didn't forget how many problems there were with Mal, Evie, Carlos and Jay. Local students seemed to enjoy the opportunity to mock those who didn't really touch others. And, oh, horror, she was once among the abusers. A wonderful continuation of the parents came out of them. Her own birthday came under the hot hand of Audrey, who decided to join the other side. But the girl didn't want to look for the culprits, although Ben apologized for a very long time when everything was resolved, and even allocated money for a new event.

"No, you're not a villain. Everyone chooses their own side." Jane finally hugged him tightly, feeling the gusts of magic subside. "But villains can also love."

"Yes... Yes, they can," the guy repeated absently. "Because I love you."

Her heart skipped a beat. The girl knew about the existence of different languages of love, and his was definitely somewhere between actions and gifts. However, he never talked about feelings just like that. Compliments were undoubtedly present, although Jane didn't believe that she deserved all of them, but declarations of love happened in the most valuable moments.

"To be honest," she said in a broken voice, "deep down I believed that this was how it should be. That I can't love, therefore... when you... as a punishment..."

"Shhh, hush." Carlos pulled away, kissed her gently on the forehead and touched her face with his palms. "If I can be a villain who loves a heroine, then you can't only create other people's stories, but also take part in your own."

"What a heroine I am... I was just doing what I had to do," Jane replied sheepishly, not looking at him.

"My heroine." His words made her skin crawl. "A heroine who also needs rest."

"Don’t go," escaped her lips. "I understand that this is very unwise, but..."

"I'm not leaving," the guy replied with a hint of a grin. "If you promise not to tell anyone about this. I don't even want to know what the Fairy Godmother will think of me."

"Mom already thinks only good things about you!"

"Everything can change!"

And so, with jokes and tears of joy, this long day ended. But it was worth waiting for its end, at least for the opportunity to fall asleep in Carlos's arms. Touch the black and white hair, look at all the freckles on the face and listen to the measured heartbeat. It was here, at this moment, that Jane felt she could trust him completely. Maybe fate really gave them a second chance at their future together? Now the girl really believed in the personal "and they lived happily ever after."

☆☆☆

Thank you for reading this fanfic. I can't help but think that these two deserve a happy ending. Just like Cameron deserved it. This is a bright, sincere star that is probably shining at us from the sky right now. Many actors spoke well of him, and this isn't surprising.

[annaraebananawriter]

It’s with this that the mood in the room finally turns serious, a chill crawling up his spine as his eyes lock with Ink’s. He swallows. “I think your theory’s the same as mine.” Ink nods. Dream completes the thought for them both, speaking the name they’ve avoided ever since they locked it away: “HATE.” The name echoes in the room, the chill in his spine turning into a full shudder as the name settles around them, pressing down on their shoulders as if someone else was watching them. It wasn’t possible—they were the only ones left in the room—but still. It felt like someone was listening, and each of them stayed silent as they thought about what this meant.

CHAPTER FOUR IS LIVE!!!

*looks at the amount of time between this update and the last one* ...you knows what? Let's all ignore that. I'm back now, hopefully for good, so it doesn't really matter. Besides, it's not like I didn't warn you already that my updates are inconsistent. Even if I still didn't mean more than a year's wait...

I got blocked a bit on how to progress the story. And then some of it unblocked, but the other half--the one that I needed to figure out, still remained blocked and it wasn't until recently (this week) that I managed to figure it out. There's still a few things I'm unhappy with, but I've decided to just get the chapter over and done with, which is why you're getting it now. I still have to rework the next few chapters, but that should be easier given the future stuff I've figured out. Heck, I've even started writing one of the future chapters, and I hope to continue along like that if I don't know what to do with the sooner ones.

So, don't expect another chapter too soon. Maybe next month. Who knows.

But! As I said, I am back now! With a lovely chapter that lets us take a peek at the other side of things!

I'm really excited to hear your thoughts/theories on what's going on! Be sure to let be know what you think in the comments.

Happy reading!

[haleigh-sloth]

Okay, cool! I wanted to make it was okay before I sent you any questions regarding the new chapter.

After this week's chapter, how are you feeling with the new circumstances? Do you think the new crying character is Tenko?

At the very end, we see Endeavor in front of the glass window with presumably Touya inside. It's good to see that Endeavor is keeping his promise of watching Touya.

I feel like Touya is at a safe point in the story, I can't imagine him dying. I am sure Touya is here to stay.

Regarding pretty much all the other villains, I'm 0% worried about them. Honestly. Even with the shell shock of what's going on with Tenko right now, I'm still just not worried. At all.

Tenko---I 100% HOPE it's him. I am also fairly convinced it's him. The only reason I cannot fully commit is just because of my trust issues right now, that's it.

But honestly, IF Hori was going to bring him back, this would be the best way to do it imo.

I think the fact that Deku was feeling depressed about the outcome with Tenko means that he'll do something to rectify that. Tenko wandering the streets right now? Alone? History repeating itself? It's almost too perfect of a set up for Deku to find him (instead of someone demented like AFO) and help him. That would not only be a solid showing of how Deku intends to stop history from repeating itself, but also fix the fact that he's unhappy with how things turned out before (I will wait to say my complaints about his characterization being dead in the water until the very end, though I am not super convinced Hori can redeem himself on THAT front). It would put the main character on par with the other two kids who saved their villains without killing them.

For reasons related to Tenko--I think this thread gives the best rationale as to why it would be/could be/should be Tenko. I do think the elephant in the room was "what the fuck is he gonna do about his physical body that's fucked all kinds of up from the inside out". We all sat with the potential for rewind to come into play. Right now, it's really looking like Kurogiri had some role in saving parts of Tomura's physical body at the last second and the other half of decay (which was very intentionally revealed right before he was punched to dust) putting him back together. And honestly, ik people are arguing that "the nose and eye shape are different!" and honestly who fucking cares. IF this character is in fact Tenko, it DOES make sense that he'd look different. The four bloody fingers, the covering of his mouth, the tears, the black shaggy hair, (the skinny bony ankles lmao), it just feels a little too on the nose to not be Tenko? I am convinced, but just with caution.

Then there's the whole "turn a minus into a 0" with Mirio, looking back at the chapter title "the story of how we all became heroes part minus 1". It's just...yeah idk. It all feels a little too perfect to just throw away.

Then there's the lack of closure and follow up on Spinner from the war, and we don't know if Deku delivered the eerie message (implying that Tomura still views Tomura as separate from who he is at his core because Tomura wanted to destroy until the very end). There's Kurogiri's last (possibly last? not sold on his death either but less invested in his return) words about how his friends are waiting for him, that also received no follow up. I don't believe Hori put those things in there to just move on and pretend they never happened. Tomura also said the villains need a hero of their own, which yes, but they also needed heroes who weren't gonna destroy things they cared about. And he needs to be around to see that none of them really want or need total destruction. It's just very unfinished.

Over all, I (and many others) have felt so weird about the last few chapters. They have felt so disconnected from the rest of the manga and from everything Horikoshi has written in the past and even in this manga. I'm kind of just settled on the very very likely and real possibility that Hori is doing this on purpose so he can get one last good GASP out of all of us and laugh maniacally about it from his stupid little manga studio. Fuck that guy. Respectfully.

That being said, if things don't go this way, I'm prepared. But I'll continue to hope for the best.

[dropitlikeapeong]

Waiting for You: Chapter 3- It's okay... I'm okay

Genre: more angst (i apologize in advance)

CW: use of they/them pronouns for Y/n cause I got confused but yall can replace those if necessary, Y/n's slow asf at one point and having a lot of self-blaming thoughts at another, crying(a little), arguing(a little), Swearing? mentions of death(no one dies), Manager Park is dramatic as hell, so is the CEO, allergic reaction, Seeun's still a jerk (I'm sorry), Minjae's a saint. Idk how to write statements/announcements

A/n: This probably would've been up last week already if not for that bitch procastination.

JUST TO BE CLEAR: I do not know the severity of the mentioned human's allergies, so the reaction might be slightly exaggerated, its all fictional at the end of the day.

As always, likes, reblogs and comments are very much appreciated. Hope ya'll enjoy.

You get to the practice room where Manager Park and the rest of the Xikers members were waiting for you, looking quite unhappy. Did something happen?

"You wanted to see me sir?" you asked trying to ignore the uncomfortable stares you were receiving from the eight boys.

...Eight? Why are they eight? One is obviously still on hiatus, so who is missing?

Your thoughts are interrupted by Manager Park shoving a paper into your hand. The list for the boys' food. Did they need you to get more?

"You're the one who was responsible for fetching their meals, correct?"

"Yes sir."

"And you ordered everything on this list correctly, right?"

You read through the list once more. Everything's there, you even wrote down the brownies you had promised them as a bonus treat. Yeah you didn't make them yourself like you promised you would but it's the thought that counts right? You can always make them next time, today just happened to be a bad morning.

"Yes sir, I checked the all take-out bags three times before leaving-"

"-the sandwiches aren't the problem, Y/n" Minjae speaks up next to you holding the box of brownies.

"You said you'd make these yourself and you bought them."

"I know, I am really sorry. I..." you sighed trying to figure out how you'd explain yourself without giving out too much info.

"I had a terrible night yesterday and I missed my alarm this morning, I just didn't have the time, but still I didn't wanna disappoint you guys. So I figured I'd buy them this time, then make them myself on a different day."

Minjae nodded at your words and looked to Manager Park, who was staring at you with a bored expression.

"Lovely excuse. Tell me Y/n, what's one of the main ingredients in a brownie?" he asked, you stared at him in confusion. Why is this important?

He sighed shaking his head.

"Flour, Y/n. Brownies have flour in them."

You nodded slowly, still confused, Minjae huffed in irritation.

"Did you forget? That you promised Hunter flourless brownies?"

Your eyes widen as realization sets in. Hunter has a flour allergy.

"Oh my god... Oh my god- Is he okay?"

"Look at you acting like you care." Seeun muttered, rolling his eyes.

You glanced at him and turned your attention back to Minjae and Manager Park. You had no idea what his issue is, but you tried not to give him a reaction. You had more important things to worry about right now.

"He had already eaten about three or four of them. A few minutes later he started coughing, and complaining about how he can't breathe." Yujun explained.

"He's on his way to the hospital as we speak."

You rubbed your temples in frustration. How could you forget?

"Oh my god, I am so sorry! It slipped my mind completely-"

"-Slipped your mind? Are you crazy?" Manager Park cut you off, glaring at you.

"Do you have any idea what could've happened if Yujun didn't warn everyone in time?! If the ambulance didn't arrive as soon as it did?! And all you can say is it slipped your mind?!"

You lowered your head in shame.

"I really am sorry." you uttered. Manager Park scoffed in disbelief.

"He could have died. And all you can say is you're sorry?"

Hana came and stood next to you, rubbing your back in an attempt to comfort you.

"Mr Park, I think that's enough now-"

"-You understand we can fire you for this right?"

You froze up at those words.

"You do understand that we can ensure no company in this country ever picks up your resume?"

Your lashings from Manager Park are interrupted by a loud ring in the practice room. His phone.

"You'd better pray that's the hospital staff giving us good news." He says, leaving to go answer the call. Once the door slams close you let out a shaky exhale. Hana pulls you in for a hug but you gently push her away.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay."

"No it's not Hana, we both know it's not."

This could cost you your job, and all future jobs you might want. How could you mess up this badly?

Losing Seeun was pain that you'd never imagined you'd experience, especially since he not only refusing to explain why, but is also acting like a dick for no reason. But to lose your internship? After being rejected by several other companies? After waiting for so long to receive a call-back? After nearly giving up and just going back to your home country? You couldn't afford to lose this job, but what could you even say?

You could've simply told the boys they'd have to wait a bit longer for the brownies, or you could've toughened up, wiped your tears and just made them last night as promised, you could've told Seeun it'd have to wait when he told you 'We need to talk'. You could've just not offered them anything to begin with!

This was all your fault.

You drew in a steadying breath to try and calm yourself down. Hana approached you again to hold your hand.

", it's gonna be fine-"

"There you go again with the theatrics." Seeun scoffed. You had forgotten the rest of the boys were still in the room with you. Hana narrowed her eyes at him.

"Can you stop now? Seriously, you've been on their ass since this morning and they weren't even here."

You didn't hear that part from Jiwoo. She just said he was mad, but didn't say it was because of you.

Minjae comes up to you and pats your shoulder in comfort.

"It was a simple mistake Y/n, if it makes you feel better we forget he has allergies too sometimes."

"It doesn't change the fact that I screwed up."

"Yeah, you really did."

"Seeun, stop it. Also to be fair, we all saw that these were store-bought brownies-"

"-You cannot be serious!" Seeun cuts him off. "Are you trying to say this is all Hunter's fault?"

"Of course not! But I'm just saying he could've used a little of his common sense. All brownies have flour in them, Y/n just happens to know a recipe that doesn't need flour, and said they'd make them, but they couldn't because..." he stops himself, and glances between you and Seeun.

'Does he know?''

"Because of... personal reasons. She could've told you guys there are no brownies, but she chose not to disappoint anyone-"

"-That's enough Minjae. You don't need to defend their stupidity." Manager Park shuts down the arguments quickly.

"Fortunately he's okay. But they recommended that he stay there for a few days, just to be sure."

"A few days? We have a show in Japan this weekend!" Hyunwoo complained.

"Unfortunately he will not be joining you." He looked at you and Hana.

"Hana after your lunch break get the van ready, you're driving them to their offline fan-meeting, As for you," he looks you up and down.

"You will be going to the CEO's office before the day ends, to explain why Hunter won't be in Japan with the rest of the group. Is that clear?"

You gaped at his demand, and he gave you a stern look.

He definitely wanted you out of here. But unless you want to get into even more trouble, you have no choice.

"...Yes sir."

●・○・●・○・●・●・○・●・○・●・●・○・●・○・

"Manager Park can be a real asshole sometimes honestly" Jiwoo mutters after Hana had finished relaying the events from 20 minutes ago back to her, while you quietly ate your lunch, trying to prepare yourself to speak to the CEO.

"Also what the fuck is he even talking about, they can't block you from future jobs." She looked at Hana "They can't, right?"

She shrugged and Jiwoo carried on ranting angrily while you both ignored her.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay. Just explain to him that it was accident and that you meant no harm, okay?" She said patting your back.

"...What was Seeun saying about me this morning?" she blinked at you

"What?"

"Earlier, you said He'd been on my ass even while I wasn't there. What did he say?"

"Well... He said-"

"-You're fucking kidding me." You both looked at Jiwoo who was staring at her phone screen in shock.

"Is everything okay?" Hana asks her, she looks at you worriedly then shoves her phone into her bag.

"Yea, yea Its-I'm-I'm fine. Its fine. Lets just eat our food." She says but only stares at her half-eaten sandwich.

"Jiwoo what's going on?"

"It's nothing Y/n, just eat your food."

"Jiwoo why are you acting weird-" Hana's sentence is cut off but the loud announcement on cafe's TV;

Meanwhile for news of the entertainment industry, YG Entertainment has released a statement confirming that 19-year-old model, Shin Areum is in a relationship with Seeun of the boy group Xikers, under KQ Entertainment. The statement had recently been published after photos of the two being spotted together were released last night. YGE's statement confirms that they have been dating for a year now since March 22nd of last year. KQ Entertainment also released a statement, to confirm the news and ask fans to respect their artist as well as his partner's privacy. Congratulations to the young couple.

While the cafe is filled with murmurs of excitement or disappointment, your table is dead silent.

"Was that what you saw on your phone?" Hana hissed. Jiwoo looks at you guiltily.

"I'm sorry, Y/n... You've already been having a bad day, i didn't wanna make it worse-"

"...It's fine." You responded quietly. Her and Hana look at each other awkwardly before glancing back at you.

"...We have to go back to work soon, will you be okay?"

"Yeah like I can ask someone to cover for me-"

"-No, you should go. I'll be fine." you give them a weak smile.

They give each other a worried glance and then look back at you.

"I'll be okay, I promise." Hana sighs, but picks up her bag to leave.

"We'll see you later okay?" Hana says making her way to the door.

Jiwoo gives your shoulder a comforting squeeze and follows Hana out.

'They have been dating for a year now since March 22nd of last year.'

March 22nd. The day Seeun asked you to be his girlfriend.

●・○・●・○・●・●・○・●・○・●・●・○・●・○・

"So Hunter won't be going Japan this weekend because, you poisoned him?"

You frowned at that. Poisoned is such a strong word. Your boss hadn't even looked up at you as he spoke. he simply carried on with his paperwork.

"I didn't poison him."

Yea you were definitely in the wrong but to say you poisoned him? That makes it sound like you did it on purpose! which isn't the case here.

"You bought him food that contains something he's allergic to, yes?"

"Yes but-"

"You had forgotten about those allergies when you bought this food right?"

"Yes sir-"

"You didn't warn him that this food might not be safe for him to eat?"

"No sir, I was-"

"You forgot he had allergies and didn't warn him about the brownies. Then he ate them and now he's in the hospital due to your negligence. So, you poisoned him." he said with a small smile.

You sighed at his explanation, but didn't argue futher.

"Yes sir."

He put his paperwork aside and finally looked at you, giving you a kind smile.

"You were also late this morning too and yesterday you had left with the office key so there was no way for your colleagues to enter. The lock had to broken because there's no spare key."

"I'm sorry sir."

"I know you are. You're usually on your A-game, you seem to be a little off today. Is something wrong?"

Although this doesn't really clarify whether you still have your job or not, you can't help the slight feeling of relief that washes over you. While your lovely manager, assumes you're just makng excuses, at least your CEO is willing to hear you out.

"I'm just, kind of going through something right now."

He nods, clasping his hands in front of him.

"I take it you have seen the statement already."

Oh.

Just when you thought you had forgotten the news of Seeun and Areum.

"...Yes, I have."

"I am very sorry Y/n. I know this arrangement must be very uncomfortable but for now, it's our best option."

Your brows furrowed in confusion. What arrangement?

"On the plus side, it is only temporary. At least until-"

"I'm sorry sir but, can I ask what arrangement you're talking about?" you interrupted. He went silent for a moment.

"...Seeun didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

It was now his turn to look confused.

"Seeun said he would speak to you yesterday evening. what exactly did he say?"

"He broke up with me last night."

His mouth formed an 'O' as if he had just realized something.

"So that is how chose to handle this."

Does he know something about you and Seeun breaking up?

"Sir, what's going on?"

He straightened himself in his seat with a neutral look on his face.

"Y/n, I hope you are aware that the counselling facilities we have here are for all of our staff, not just the idols."

"Wait but what's going on with-"

"Y/n. If Seeun feels it's best you don't know, then i will respect his wishes. Please, never ask about this again."

He cleared his throat and handed you a card.

Kim Minji Counselling & Therapy Seoul St. Mary's Hospital +82 46 5675 1877

"You will need to see Miss Kim for the rest of the month."

Is he serious?

"Sir with all due respect, I don't need a therapist for a breakup-"

"If it's affecting you to the point where you nearly poison one of our idols, I think you do." He cut you off picking up his pen to start on his work again.

"I've asked Manager Park to set up an appointment for you. You will see her every Wednesday at 10am, and your progress will be reported back to your supervisors."

"Wednesdays at 10am? When will do my work?"

He looked at you at you smiling.

"You won't. You'll have all the time in the world, because you're suspended."

You felt your heart sink.

"...What?"

"Until Dr Kim confirms it's okay for you to come back. You will still be paid don't worry, I can't stop you from getting your groceries for the month. Think of it as a little vacation. To help you relax your mind a bit."

As much he was trying to make you feel better about this, you still felt tears well up in your eyes, with an uncomfortable heavy feeling in your chest. He sighed, looking at you with remorse.

"It's either this, or we fire you and press charges. I know it was an accident, but it is an accident that could've been prevented if you were more careful."

You quickly wiped at the tear that ran down your cheek. 'Don't cry.' you thought to yourself 'You're not a victim here. This is your fault.'

"You're done for the day. Go home and get as much rest as you can, okay?"

"Yes sir."

At least you still have your job right?

<previous chapter :: next chapter>

[benevolenterrancy]

Fic author interview!

Thanks for tagging me @morporkian-cryptid I'm taking a leaf out of your book and being a bit late responding, oops ;;; (also, like my last one, posting this on my art/writing blog despite getting tagged on my other blog :P)

@meso-mijali @rose-of-pollux @yarrayora @sorrel-scribbles @auxiliarydetective @pazithigallifreya

1 How many works do you have on AO3?

76!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

667,467 apparently, which feels like way more than I expected. Then again, I also didn't expect to have seventy six fics on there either...

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Lost In Translation (7,256 kudos) An Overwatch fic. I was baffled when it did as well as it did while I was actively posting it and frankly I'm not sure how to deal with the fact that it's still head and shoulders above every other fic I've written. I think it must be from people sorting by kudos and creating a weird positive feedback loop.

How To Torment Cats (And Witchers) (2,124 kudoes) A very light-hearted Witcher one-shot with Ciri and Dandelion

Standard-Issue (1,143 kudos) Another Overwatch fic, this one about McCree's recruitment into Overwatch

Sunlight and Sea Foam (1,102 kudos) A Witcher mermaid!au. This one I'm still pretty pleased with, it was a lot of fun to write.

Mark My Place (952 kudos) A post-canon MDZS fic in which I get to lavish love on Wei Wuxian! A pretty impressive kudo count given that it's only a few months old

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Generally I try to! I really appreciate getting comments and I want to let people know that <3 Fandom is the most fun when it's a community and the only way to get that is to actually connect with people. Also I personally appreciate it when an author responds to comments when a new chapter drops because it helps me keep track of fic updates, so I often do that too for on-going stories :3

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I don't really go in for anything without a happy ending ^^;; Maybe In My Hands I Held The World purely because I didn't finish it and stopped writing in the middle of the all the hurt and never made it to the comfort? Or Promises Misconstrued just by virtue of it.... well, being what it is.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

We only believe in happy endings here!! I really couldn't narrow it down, I like a happy ending... The Celestial Shell Game was a pretty recent one MDZS fic that was just pure post-canon fix-it and reconciliation and lightly bullying the juniors

7. Do you write crossovers?

I do from time to time, but most aren't ever cleaned up or completed to the point of posting -- they're just Fun For Me fics.

My only completed crossover is a Torchwood/MASH fic called An Officer's Guide to Surgery, Shelling & Pterosaurs. It was honestly just a wild ride to write. Very proud of how that one turned out

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

A bit, but not for years. The only one I specifically remember was someone who was very unhappy that I wasn't including individual chapter content warnings, I guess because they've never read a novel?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Not often, I am Very Ace, but it does happen occasionally. Bound and Held was my most recent one, which was really just 20k of pure kink exploration because Geralt and Dandelion just have the vibe

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so...

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

One! An old Les Mis fic got translated into Chinese years back :3 that was very flattering that someone would want to go to that amount of effort

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Me and @meso-mijali will co-write stuff from time to time, but nothing that's ever made it to completion. I do use her relentlessly to help me solve plot dilemmas (or make new plot dilemmas, depending on how things are going)

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Could not tell you, 100% depends on sort of mood I'm in sorry xD I bounce all over the place. At the moment I am deeply into wangxian, to the surprise of no one following me on tumblr at the moment

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Well, any of my three current fics I'd love to make some progress on >:/ but I'm still hopeful about getting them finished, albeit slowly and painfully. I have a Hogan's Heroes dating sim that me and @meso-mijali have been working on but the longer it goes undone the more I suspect it never will be *sigh* it took so much planning but it's hard to pick up again in the middle. I also had a Lupin soulmate au called Mosiac that I feel bad about dropping. I still quite like the concept but I'm stuck on where to go next with it...

15. What are your writing strengths?

Uhh... I dunno, there must be something because people seem to enjoy my work well enough but I'll be damned if I know what it is. I think I write high intensity, sensory-based scenes pretty well? At least I like doing them a lot. And I get complimented on my character voices sometimes, so hopefully that!

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Pacing >:/ I will ramble and ramble and ramble and then need to go back and cull things until I have a fic that's even halfway readable. It's so hard to get good pacing down.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Big fan, I'm always here for a bilingual bonus. Either I understand it and get a little thrill out of it or else I just google translate it real quick. As for me writing it I generally don't because I don't want to fuck it up beyond reason... sometimes I might dabble with French if it's character appropriate.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Les Mis! I'm too terrified to reread anything from my Les Mis era because god only knows what my writing was like back then, but it was such a warm and welcoming fandom it's what finally gave me the nerve to starting engaging in fandom space as more than observer

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

...I'm not sure I have one, if I want to write about something I generally do, even if I don't get it to be "publishing" worthy... Maybe Hogan/Kinch? I really like that ship, but I've never written much Hogan's Heroes fic to begin with, I think I only have one published work, and I find it a hard one to write shippy things for

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Huh... I'm not sure. There a number of fics I've written that I still really really like and will reread (the author's amazing! she knows exactly what I like!) I'm really proud of my Torchwood/MASH crossover, it's my longest fic and took the highest level of technical skill to write. I also tend to reread A Poet Under Pressure fairly often because I do love tormenting Dandelion u.u

[popcornforone]

Teasing & Tweezing

Part of the Attending Mr York Fan Fic Series

Master list

This is all your fault.

You voted for back to back Dave York. I really didn’t think he would win. So here I am. Posting another Chapter to our Dave York universe on a Saturday… you’d better have your pancakes or grapes ready peoples. This is very intense.

Synopsis:- After asking a rhetorical questions, you find out Dave isn’t as squeaky clean & normal as you think. But your loyalty is put to the test a few days after finding out his secret when he arrives at your apartment at 3am.

This chapter is referenced as moments & memories in one week with Dave York. (Defiantly the Thursday & Saturday afternoon chapters).

Word count:8100

Warnings: EVERY WARNING UNDER THE SUN DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 18! DAVE YORK COMES WITH HIS OWN WARNING…& I MEAN IT!!!! Cheating, adultery, boss employee relationships, controlling at points but not at others, fingering, anal sex, sex toys, bath sex, oral sex, blood, injury detail, repairs, swearing, angst, anger, alcohol, pain killers (in real life please don’t mix then) This gets grim at points for both injury & intimacy, secrets, assassin work.

Yea you have been warned

Thank you all so much for reading this, it’s always a pleasure writing Dave & thank you all for reading last weeks one off. All feedback is welcome in anyway shape or form. Enjoy peoples.

“Mr York?” You pop your head around the office door on a Wednesday afternoon. It’s not unusual for him to ask to see you on a Wednesday, before you do the grocery shop before getting the girls from school, especially as he likes to cook on a Wednesday night. You’ve never found out why, he just likes to do it. It also means you get more time to paint & curate your art portfolio, your eventual out from being a house keeper one day. Although this is much better than the 9to5 grind you used to have. It pays better too.

“Ahhh perfect timing, quick close the door this won’t take long” he spins round in his chair to face you, man spreading for you to see. He’s not hard but you know you could do certain things to make the man who 75% of the time ignores you in this house, to then turn him into the 25% which wants to plunder & pleasure you.

You notice he’s got shredding going on & lots of printing & a building plan laid out across his sofa, lots of post its notes & red crosses covering it. You grab a pen from his desk & tease it in your teeth waiting for him to tell you what he needs so you can jot it onto a post it note. You tease doesn’t go unnoticed.

“What can I help you with today sir…”

“shopping!”’he abruptly interrupts to make you slightly startled as to how quick his response was “I need the following items please & if they don’t have them in the store please can you go to different stores tomorrow to get them, they are all essential items”

“okay Mr York I understand, I…” he interrupts again.

“I would say today but I know it’s Wednesday & your art time. our deal is still the same, that you can work on whatever it is you make, I don’t want to make my house keeper unhappy, unless it’s tears of pleasure” he smirks facing back to his screen & you dampen your knickers instantly. He has very quickly worked out some of your kinks & weaknesses as to how he can make you feel good. He knows certain words get you going & he can also see your an open book when it comes to him & how he makes you scream. Your ex must have been atrocious, but that is Daves gain. It’s only been a few months of sex, but he’s really enjoying getting his frustrations out on your body & how you respond. Carol doesn’t even put in any effort anymore.

Dave lists off the most random shopping list. 2 fishing lines, sand, bleach, 3 bags of sugar, nail scissors, typex, a towel, hand sanitiser, a pack of metal coat hangers & as many packs of pain killers as you can find.

“Is there anything you think I need?” He asks when he’s done.

“Well that’s quite an extensive list mr York, I mean why fishing lines why not…”

“oooh & cable ties & condoms” he interrupts back to facing you & pointing. You blush. You were now on the pill, so you could feel Dave bare filling his seed inside you. No more rushing to the pharmacy to get the morning after pill or him withdrawing, which was rare of him to do. So who else was he having sex with other than you & Carol? Your face can clearly show your thinking this as he then answers without asking“… this is all for work, your my only discretion” he’s not lying you can tell that, you’ve worked out when Dave lies.

“wow that will be interesting for you to put down as expenses” you chuckle as you read the list back to yourself “I mean unless you plan on killing your boss, that’s the only way you could get away with it” you catch Daves eyes which are darting around the room desperate to check he’s not left anything in evidence out. He then looks at you sternly & you realise your hypothetical question might have some truth in it.

“David?” You ask concerned. You hardly ever call him David unless he really hits the spot inside you & you forget your manners. This breaks him out of his worried trance. He likes it when you say his name. If he wasn’t so controlling he’d let you say his name more often but you calling him Mr York for all situations makes his cock throb with anticipation. “Do… do you…” your voice is trailing. you want to ask but you also don’t incase knowing this will put you in danger, but you need to know. Daves business trips usually are on weird days & a pick up at a weird time. Dave sighs deeply shaking his head before his eyes meet yours.

“What I’m about to tell you is highly classified.” He groans . His eyes are deep. Dave is worried he’s about to lose his nanny, house keeper & fuck toy in the next 3minutes. How will he explain that to Carol. He stands up & heads to the family picture on the wall which has a safe behind it “I need to record exactly what i am about to talk to you about & I need you to consent to everything I am about to say” as the safe pops open he pauses & notices you’ve sat on the edge of his desk. “If you want you can leave now, I will pay you a years salary on the spot & you can go” he says & your eyes meet. A years salary is more than generous & could change your life. He is giving you an out. You can pack up your bags & never see the Yorks again, but could you do that to the 2 little girls who finally get you & are happy you play with them, no. Could you then also sit at home if you did leave even with that money in one go & think about the family if the worst happened to Dave, no.

“Tell me David, tell me everything”

“please don’t call me David…” oh fuck you think “… if your going to call me anything other than Mr York, call me Dave” & he hands over a secrets act file for you to read & sign as he hit records on the tape in his hand, all of which has come from the safe, to start telling you what you can know & what he actually does do. David Christopher York is a hired killer & assassin.

10 days later

You stumble into your studio apartment at 11:30pm. You know you’re needed at the Yorks for lots of morning rushes this week so today & tomorrow is your real chance to stay in your bed. They have given you Saturday night & part of Sunday off as a thank you. You’ve been out for a movie, dinner & drinks with your friends. You’re pretty sure that one of thems brother Steve was trying to flirt with you, but he was so wasted by the end of the night that you decided not to go back to his place. Your own bed & your own pleasure would be enough for tonight, especially if when you get to the Yorks, Dave has been on a successful business trip & will want to have sex with you. You slide out of your dress & put on your jammys. It’s summer so very short sleep shorts & a floaty vest are all that’s needed. Make up removed & teeth cleaned, you glide onto your bed & put on your pleasure playlist as you grab your 5inch toy & lube it up. The tip as it vibrates makes you shudder & moan as you carefully edge it inside you. You’re still getting used to having a vibrator which you purchased on impulse after your ex broke up with you. “Dave!” You moan. It’s the first time you have moaned Dave out loud when you’ve been alone & you really really like the way it rolls off your tongue. He’s having that much of an effect on you at the moment. You gasp at saying it & inch it in further turning up the vibrations wondering when Dave will next be on top of you, pounding inside your core.

THUD THUD THUD

You leap up & hear this pounding noise. It’s not a hangover throbbing in your mind or the next door neighbours having an orgy, they like to do that sometimes & you try to stay at the Yorks when you know it’s going to happen. But there’s a banging noise going on. As the thudding happens again you click your bedside light on & see the clock says 3am as you head to the door a few feet away. Being a studio apartment everything is close together. You look though the keyhole & see Daves face in anger on the other side.

“Let me in sweetheart please!?” He says with pain in his voice. You don’t even hesitate to undo the latch, the second your hand twists the lock he barges in, flinging the door almost directly into your face & almost collapses on the floor. There is blood oozing from his shoulder & is seeping down his arm. He throws his back pack across the room & it hits your bed bouncing back towards you both.

“VODKA” he screams as you lock the door shut but are frozen to the spot in a panic. “DONT MAKE ME ASK AGAIN!” He is enraged. The second shout means you run over to your dresser, which has clothes stationary & alcohol in it. You find the bottle of vodka & head to the kitchen area to get a glass. “IM IN FUCKING PAIN. I HAVE NO TIME FOR A GLASS!” You almost drop the bottle at his growl. It’s scaring & arousing you. The idea of Dave being really dominant to you during sex was not one that had crossed your mind, or be it with anyone actually, but he has those traits. You would submit to him so well. You kneel next to him & hand him the bottle, cap already off & he has 2 large gulps almost spluttering out the second. You’ve still not said a word since you woke up 2mins ago. He eventually calms down a little as your hand soothes his back, tracing across his spine & he reaches for his bag but his agony stops him “Bag! pain killers” he musters & you lean & bring it across to the two of you but when you see what’s in there your drop in it shock, scattering part of its contents across the floor, including the small pistol inside it.

Imagine if Dave hadn’t told you 10 days ago what he did for a living. This is still pretty intense & your mind is racing that he’s come to you for help. You are in as much shock as he is pain. But seeing various items you had purchased him sitting it that bag from the other week & a gun & a knife, that made you flinch a little too much.

“Mr York…” you mumble “i… I… im not qualified…”

“you have health & saftey & cpr to work for us, this is just the next 4 steps up” he interject, as he grabs the tablets to take. They, luckily for you, dropped right in front of him. “You said you’d do anything for me & the Yorks & I need this one time favour please please?” He pleads as he drinks more vodka to take the tablets which you both know is highly irresponsible, but he’s suffering badly. You pace a little while he tries to stand wondering what to do. No way are you or your apartment equipped to deal with whatever has happened to Dave.

“A one off? “ you reply “I never have to sort you out again”

“yes I promise, you can quit afterwards for all I care, I just need this to look a little bit cleaner before I go to the emergency room” his breathing is almost calm, & back to what it would be if he had just orgasmed.

“Why can’t you go there & first” you ask.

“That’s a story for another day but right now I need you to try & stop this bleeding please?” His frown tells you he isn’t joking, he has come to you for help. Maybe this is a loyalty test to prove what you would do for the Yorks.

You take a deep breath before the word “okay” stutters out of your mouth, your head trying not to think of what you’re about to face. You walk back over to Dave & offer him your hand to help him up, which he takes. He’s always so strong but this grip isn’t want you’re expecting he’s unsteady & needs support.

“bed” he groans as he realised his legs are going to give up from beneath him, so you grab the shoulder that isn’t bleeding to help him turn & then lower him on the edge of the bed. He winces. Then you can see what’s happening to the shirt. You can see that the pool of blood is still growing, but there is a pattern to it that it is starting to seep out from underneath his T-shirt & trickle down his arm over the elbow, an elbow you want to ride until you can’t think straight anymore as it pushes against your pussy.

“Dave” you say realising it’s the first time you’ve really said that to him “I need you to help me with this, it’s not a cut knee or a bruised foot, your bleeding heavily” & you can see it start to drip onto your bed sheets, which you know no amount of stain remover will get this fully out.

Dave glance at your face as he picks up the bottle of vodka to swig again, & sees the concern in your eyes. “You’ve got this sweetheart, did you every play operation as a kid?” He asks & you nod. Dave can feel his shirt getting wetter from the blood trickling out of his collar, so he removes it straight over the top of his head screaming slightly from the pain it causes, but not loud enough for the rest of the building are hear, but enough if your neighbours were in they would’ve heard that. He can feel your eyes train on every single inch of his abs. His muscular stomach, his broad shoulders & his chest, gleaming with sweat & the blood that has slid down the side from where he has been shot. it is only now that you can see that his wound is more than just of flesh one. He has been shot & you can see as you stroke his back up & down from behind, that it’s not come out the other side. Your face drops. You know you’ve got to help him try & get this bullet out or at least stop the bleeding to make it look like it’s okay before he goes to the emergency room later. He catches the look of concern in your face which is now one of complete paralysis. “It’s not come out has it?” Dave asks. Silence fills the room as your eyes meet. Yours which are filled with concern now, turn into ones which are soft. His glint back at you to say it’s okay & he will be okay. His hand takes yours & the bloodied hand rolls across your knuckles. You take his ruined shirt & apply pressure to the wound.

Dave so far has always been in charge of making the first move or kiss, but right now you can’t control yourself & your urge. He might be bleeding still, but his lips are parted. You hold onto his chin keeping his face looking at you as you crash your lips into his. It smooth & succulent. Two wet plump mounds taking over the other. He’s shocked at first that you’ve done this, it’s always been his decision when this is instigated, but he can’t help himself. He goes with it as his hand leaves your to caress your face before going into your hair. He is now panting but he’s relaxed a little & you can feel the stress leave his body slightly. He softly moans your name as you part, & both your eyes open. “Sorry” you say “but I needed you to be calmer for me to have any attempt at this” he raises an eyebrow.

“That’s the best excuse for a kiss I’ve ever heard” & as he says this you hear a ripping sound of your bed sheets. He’s got at least a quarter of it as he straps a small amount around the lower part of his arm to tighten it. Clearly this isn’t his first injury.

He gestures at the bag & points. “You need to find nail scissors, tweezers, the condoms, lighter & hand sanitizer” he says before realising half of the bag is now scattered across the floor. He laughs at this before yelping as the next part of your bed sheet he’s torn away makes a connection

“a laugh wow didn’t think I’d hear that when you arrived a few mins ago”

“well your studio now looks like someone’s burgled it after you dropped my bag. Also do you have a stronger light that this bed side lamp? You’ll need as much light as you can get to help me.” Dave groans as he leans down to grab the pain killers as well but he stops half way as pain shoots through his body.

“Let me have you in the Bath” you blurt out.

“what!” Dave replies shocked “I don’t think…”

“oh not like that Mr York, my bathrooms got mirror lights & spotlights & white walls, so it’s bright. also it’s easy to clean afterwards & stops you from ruining my bed.” You snarl back. He likes you being in command, it makes his groin twitch at the idea of what else he can one day make that mouth say.

“Oops sorry, force of habit to take whatever is near me to repair something, I’ll replace them. I like your thinking though” & with that he leans his intact shoulder across yours. “Help get me to your Bath then” & the two of you tentatively stand up & you help him hobble to the bathroom. However he’s distracted. He’s looking down at to your almost bare back & a neck free for kisses, which he starts to peck at. His lips igniting your core with each smooch down your radiating skin. Radiating for him alone. You gasp as he licks up your neck behind your ear. You can’t really stop him due to having to carry his weight with you to the bathroom. It may only be a few feet away but it still takes a while. Also you don’t want needy Dave to stop.

Your bathroom has the bare minimum in it. A shower at the end of the bath, sink, toilet & a clothes basket for laundry. But it will do for now. “Mind the ledge Mr York” you say as he plants his first foot in the tub. When both feet are in steady ground you help him lower in & he also takes off his trousers, so he’s just in his boxers. Maybe he did just have sex on his mind.

“I’ve got spare clothes in the bag I can change into, but can you bring back the booze & pain killers before the rest of that list first” he says as he hands his jeans across to you. They are as black as the night sky. So if there was blood in them it would be hard to notice, unless you knew. Once he’s happy in the bath, you’ve given him a spare bath Mat to kneel on & an old cushion to lean on the edge of the bath, you go get the rest of the items as he takes one more pain killer. All but 2 items were still in the bag, those 2 were that hand sanitiser & condoms. As you head back into the bathroom with the rest of your bed sheet to mop up the blood, which he had torn already you ask.

“why condoms for a repair?” You notice these were the ones you picked up last week.

“Evidence bag” he states as his lips detach from the bottle of vodka “especially these ones, good choice by the way. They are sturdy don’t break & leave all finger prints on what’s inside, nothing ever escapes this unless it’s really rigorous “ & you blush. You can imagine Dave has tried that out before, but inside your mind wonders to think with whom & would he pound you that hard?

You go to step in the bath with him but he shout “no I need you outside, if you slip & fall, were done for”

“Dave it’s my Bath I should no how to bal…”

“not if you make a mess of this, but I have faith. You got this sweetheart” you take a few deep breaths & stand right in front of him, you thin sleep shorts separate his mouth from your mound. You liked it last time when he performed oral sex on you. His tongue lapping away at you, humming as he tasted each drop. His fingers felt fantastic too, so long & fat, curling away rubbing against your walls as his thumb danced across your clit, sending you spiralling out of control. Dave sniffs as he can smell your arousal. If he wasn’t in a so much pain & this wasn’t so urgent your shorts would be off & he would be fucking you, but that would be too much of a distraction. He needs you coherent.

“So what first Mr York?” You ask with everything you need on the side.

“Hand sanitizer for your fingers & my wound, we need you clean & the hole slightly numbing it cos you’re going to have to cut it a little bigger than it already is”

“what?” You screech as you open the bottle, “what if I hit…”

“it’s ok it’s okay…” Dave says as he sees you go into panic mode “ there is nothing you can butcher too much up here, oooh you’ve got your phone right? because I need to see where the bullet is when you get inside?” This is all now becoming a little bit too much. You’ve seen this on tv shows & always thinks they make it look so simple & easy to heal a bullet wound or stab. But now you are faced with this as a first repair job for Dave you feel physically sick.

You go to grab the vodka but Dave holds it away from you “I know you’re nervous, but this won’t help you, trust me” he can see your pale & freaking out inside. “Breathe with me sweetheart come on” & you do 3 lots of 5 in & out & as he starts the 4th you sigh & drip the sanitisers across his injury. His yelp is small & you use half the bottle, “quick 4cms towards my neck go in through the existing hole” he cry’s putting a dry part of the bed sheet in his mouth. Even if this was a pro doing this he knows he would scream at this. You slowly & carefully start to snip at his flesh opening the hole wider, blood trickling out to start with. You go to mop it up but Dave moans as he shakes his head. “Clean up when we are done” he muffles biting into the bedding for all his life. Considering you’re new to this he’s impressed you’ve not put him in more pain. You slowly snip away, amazed at how calm you are & amazed at how the human shoulder & collar are constructed. So much so that it only when Dave shouts yet it’s still muffled “no more snipping” that you stop.

“Sorry Dave, I was…” you feel a bit embarrassed by saying this “I… I was admiring the way you were constructed.”

“If I come out of this in one piece sweetheart, you can admire all you want” You look into Daves eyes, he’s not playing games or teasing he’s being serious.

Dave then gestures his eyes at the tweezers which you grab. He keeps your hand in place over his shoulder. But it’s not just for pressure on his oozing wound, it’s for reassurance for the two of you. He wants to feel your touch & he want to make you aware that he needs you. You face him again.

“It’s going to be okay Dave trust me” your calming words actually fool you both. You’d said it to make Dave feel at ease but it was also you tel yourself you could do this.

“You need to use the tweezers to open the cut up a little bit & then I need you to take a few photos so I can see how bad it is.” Daves slowly getting calmer in his tone, but he’s sweating a lot. Clearly his adrenaline has now warn off too. Maybe his shallow breathing & loss of blood is having an effect on him.

He winces as you carefully open up your fresh cut, & try not to turn your head away, as the seeping continues.

“Sweetheart you’ve got this, I trust you, look at me” your eyes meet Daves in solitude. “You never have to do this again I promise” you click a few photos, the flash almost blinding Dave in his eye, it’s so bright he will see that little outline in his eyes for a few minutes for sure. You hand him your phone. His blood soaked thumb zooms in on the screen. “I can see 3 obvious bits but you see this bit” he turns the phone around & points at a piece that’s hanging onto something inside his shoulder & collar. “That’s causing the bleeding”

“Okay Dave is it as simple as me just using the tweezers or…”

“Ha” he cackles “I wish it was” he sighs deeply “if you do this half as well as I think you can sweetheart , I might have to train you up as a medic.” You raise an eyebrow at Dave. “Jokes are getting me through this sweetheart, that & the fact that you’re right cunt at points has been inches away from my face, desperate for me to lick it. A taste of that would make all the pain go away” Daves breathing has ramped up casising his blood to pump more.

“Calm Dave” you say as you go to clean the tweezers with hand sanitizer but Dave grabs you hand.

“Stop!” He shouts.

“Why Dave? I thought…”

“The lighter, you need to heat the tweezers up”

“What?!”

“He hand sanitizer is alcoholic, it will be a blaze in seconds” his eyes are worried at what you were going to do “what are you an amateur?”

“Yes Dave I am” you snap back at him “you could easily be in the emergency room right now, but no here I am helping you out at good knows what time I’m the morning” your half tempted to walk away but a dead assassin in your bath tub wouldn’t be the best idea either. You’re in too deep. “Sorry Dave, I shouldn’t have snapped” you say calming yourself down. Trying desperately not to look in his eyes that you know will be raging because you answered back. “I know you know what’s best, & I’m trying my best, this is all so much to take in”

“I’m sorry to sweetheart” you make eye contact this time. Dave never apologises to anyone, for anything, even when he knows he’s wrong. His face is pleading for forgiveness too. “I mustn’t treat you like medics who stitch me up or help. As much as I employ you, you’re not trained for this. I’m sorry but this is the only way” he grips your shoulder with his clean hand, he’s been very deliberate to make sure one hand stays clean throughout this, with no blood contamination. He strokes you to sooth both your sets of anger away & it works almost instantly.

You follow Daves carful instructions. Heating up the tweezers for 30 seconds on a low heat to nudge the bullet away before then scorching the surrounding are & then attempting to fish it out, putting it straight into a condom, so he can have it analysed. He screamed 3 times as you did this, his face wincing in pain when a few nerves were hit, but he then asked you to try & get the second & third piece out using the same technique. It’s as you’re getting the 3rd piece out Dave screams the most. It’s high pitched & straight in your ear.

“Fuck, what are you tugging on I need to see” He screams & you while leaving the tweezers in place so the hole is open take a photo. Daves face drops. “Put that back where you found it right now. It’s stuck in a nerve. If it’s too far lodged it can’t come out, or I might lose some feelings in my fingers. I then can’t do my job.”

“Okay Dave” you slowly place in back into his shoulder, as well as you can but then he scream again & you almost nip at a vein as you drop the tweezers. “What did I do wrong?” Your voice is panicked.

“Lighter on tweezers for 10 seconds then push them against where you’ve just been, keep doing this until I tell you to stop.” His face is contorted as he growls this.

“But Dave what if…”

“This isn’t operation anymore sweetheart, just do it” he viciously interrupts & you start doing what he said with the tweezers. Fresh blood is now coming out of him.

Every 10 seconds you push the heated metal against him & each time he’s moans & gasps for air. Then you remove it & do it again & again. But it’s not helping. & then you see the hand sanitiser on the floor.

“Do you trust me Dave?” You ask in a hurry as you plunge the tweezers into the liquid.

“Do I have a choice?”

“No” you click the lighter on & the tweezer start to blaze.

“Are you fucking crazy woman? What the…” but you thrust the molten tweezers into his wound. “FUCKKKKKK!!!!!” You know that people asleep on your floor have probably just been work up due to Dave’s cry. “FUCKING HELL WHAT THE FUCK!!!! YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!” Daves eyes are tightly scrunched together in pain. He’s engulfed by heat too. But you don’t care. You’ve worked out this might be the only way of heeling him. To stop the bleeding. He might always have part of a bullet inside him but it will save his job & life if you fuse it to his nerves. So that’s what you do.

You’ve notices it’s working. His fingers & hand that are covered in blood are still twitching. He has some control or maybe it is second nature, to check that he can still move & work everything. A smile spreads across your face as you then reheat the tweezers with the lighters & hand sanitiser & do it again. Daves scream less in shock this time. The blood slowing down, his breathing calming. In your own panic you accidentally came up with an idea that is actually working better than his.

“I gotta say I thought you were gonna kill me doing that,” Dave eventually says when he’s back in the here & now, eyes no longer stinging.

“Well I wasn’t sure it would work Dave, I just had to try something, I couldn’t let you bleed out.” He hisses as you apply pressure on where has been scorched to make sure it’s sealed.

“You’re a fucking crazy bitch you know that?” He says still in pain drinking a bit more vodka before then picking up the condom with the pieces of the bullet inside it to seal it off.

“I will take that as a thank you” you calmly say, As you remove the tweezers & rush to your first aid kit that you brought in with the other bits earlier. His eyes rolling at your sarcastic comment but he knows you’ve done well. You grab a needle & thread & start to get it ready to stich Dave up.

“I’ve seen you learning to sew so this should be fun, you drop stitches all the time” he cackles before taking another painkiller with some more vodka.

“Well Dave if you swivel your shoulder this way slightly I can lean over the top of you & make sure that this holds until you get to an emergency room, that’s all I can promise. I can’t even promise it won’t hurt.” You mumble & then get him in the right spot. “Sorry Dave you’re in a bit of a tight spot here just bear with me. Keep drinking that vodka” he sees the genuine smile on your face & he starts to smile back at you, before he whimpers as you dig the needle in him.

“Fuck, why does this never get easy”

“Sorry Dave but I need the extra light, don’t want to make to much more of a mess” You can hear Dave moaning as you try to do the best job you can.But then your body jitters forward. A sensation you’ve not felt for a while as he slips his fingers inside your pussy ,as he starts saying “you’re not the only one who is working with a tight space”. His fat finger on his clean entering you easily, having their way with you, making you clamp around them instantly. You hadn’t even realised he was near your entrance or in a teasing mood until he was inside you.

“Dave stop Dave stop” you moan as the two fingers start to curl inside you,

“Beg” he cries as you accidentally dig the needle in further.

“I’m gonna make a mess if you continue” you moan griping into his other shoulder trying to concentrate as he works your pleasure. You’re trying not to moan or gasp but when Dave brings you pleasure it’s always hard to concentrate on anything else. Especially as He strokes his thumb across your clit.

“That’s the point sweetheart” he growls & looks you dead in the eye “it’s distracting us from the actual mess your doing to my shoulder & collar,” his breathing becomes enraged as his hand becomes slicker from your arousal. His pace picking up. Making you want more than just his fingers. Making you bite your bottom lip as your hips start to roll.

“Don’t blame me if I stab you” each word is panted amour of your mouth. He’s watching intently as your eyes become filled with desire.

You both scream in different tones, one of pain & one of pleasure when the third finger joins the party. His thumb Stimulation around your clit just making you want to grind onto him. It feels divine. Daves more concerned as he keeps his rhythm up about what your own hands are doing.

“That will do sweetheart” he says as he pulls you closer. His fingers are pulsing away making you want his fat cock buried inside you. The squelching & your moans now the sounds track to your bathroom.

“Fuck dave, oh fuck yes, oh god, I need this, I fucking need more” your almost growling as Dave sometimes does, as you drench his hand, spilling out & you hold the side of the Bath for balance as your legs turn to jelly from the intensity of your orgasm. “I knew you were good but I didn’t know your hands were that good baby” you whimper.

“Well it’s better than that pathetic excuse of a toy you have on your bed side table sweetheart.” You blush. Even in pained state bleeding out earlier, he had clocked your vibrator you had used earlier. you try to gather the words before Dave cackles. “What you’ve purchased might be okay for a one off but what you need is something more pleasurable” Daves smooth silky words in his seductive tone make you want his fingers back inside you at a minimum.

“Well you weren’t here to satisfy my needs.” You say as you edge to the basin to get a cloth for yourself as Dave dampens the last part of the bed sheet to mop up his dried blood.

“I promise you, that you will never need to look for satisfaction anywhere else when we’re done sweetheart.”

“Are you teasing me Dave?” your ask as you take his hand & help him out of the Bath. He’s in your personal space & his lips are just begging to be taken by yours.

“Well you’ll just have to wait & find out”

12 hours later you are in a hotel lobby, waiting for Dave. After you finished stitching him up, he told you to sleep on the sofa & that he would sort everything out, before a tender thank you kiss before he left to go to the emergency room. You got 5hs sleep before there was more knocking at your door. Clean up had arrived & by clean up, it means part of Daves team who had spent most of the night sorting out the place where Dave had been shot. Your flat was spotlessly cleaned, new sets of bedding were out on your bed along with 3 other new sets, more expensive that youve ever owned & replacement vodka also put in your cupboard. You had to sign NDA forms once it was all done, to never speak of last tonight to anyone other than Dave or the people in the room with you who were cleaning.

The thing that freaked you out the most though was the call from Carol at 11am saying she was sorry you had a sickness bug & would call someone else for the next 2 days to help. You went to protest & she said that you had called Dave who’s still away on business earlier to tell him. As you’re speaking to her you see Daves messages appear on your tablet to say that this is all okay & to meet him at a designated hotel later for a real thank you. So here you are at 5pm at the Drove hotel waiting for Dave, wondering what or how he is going to say thank you.

“Sweetheart?” You turn around & see Dave who extends his hand & pulls you up inches away from his face.

“Mr Yo…” he’s hungrily kissing you before you can finish the word York. His embrace & his lips only leave your mouth to kiss your neck for the entire journey through the lobby, into the lift & into the suite he’s hired. It’s the honeymoon suite & it’s so romantic in there & grand, not that Dave is the romance type at all.

“I told them I was here for 2 days & hadn’t seen my girlfriend in 6months, being persuasive does sometimes get you exactly what you want” Dave is seducing you with his own words, no persuasion is needed here, your already under this man’s spell.

“I didn’t have you down…”

“I’m not romantic in the slightest, but as this was already here when i arrived I thought I’d keep it. Make you feel like the bride. Make you feel romantic. So that then when you beg me to keep fucking you, you remember how sweet a girl you are. That you’re not my fuck toy.” Daves demeanour changes, his eyes dark & dilated & he gestures to the bed. “I do want to thank you though for what you did & not telling Carol earlier, she doesn’t need to know.” You sit on the bed & take your shoes off.

“I did promise to obey & attend your needs Dave,I just never expected that to be what was needed” you coyly look up at him. “We did it as a team”

“You did an amazing job sweetheart in everything & I am still giving you the opportunity to quit tomorrow, However…” the devilish smile that arouses you creeps over his face. “… you need a proper thank you & an eduction” Dave then dumps a black bag on the bed & unzips it. Your face turns red & blushes.

“Dave what the actual fuck” you hold the first box up & then the second. His bag is filled with unboxed sex toys.

“Sweetheart, I saw your toy, it might give you a few moments, but it’s never going to match me. So allow me to pleasure you, so you know what you like. You will then know what gets you off, so I know how to make you cum so hard. I like sliding into you, your arousal hardly ever needs me to lube up” Daves words embarrass you but also make you feel good. He wants to take you on a sexual adventure. & you’re here for it.

After looking at the various boxes you pick a very small stimulator to start with.

“Ooh starting small & working up are” says Dave mischievously. “I’m sure there would be some girls who run away after being presented all of this, but no you sweetheart, you are a slut. You present as the helpful house keeper so well & I bet you were loyal to that ex of yours but damn you want your fill don’t you. You want to feel my fat cock, in your cunt, pounding away don’t you.” You’re speechless & just nod. Dave, since you’ve started having sex has been dirty in his talk, but never like this. Your knickers are already damp. You bite your bottom lip which makes Daves cock twitch. That’s his sign for she’s all mine, so he pounces, turning you around on the bed so you’re lying on your stomach.

You’re stripped in seconds except for your knickers, your tights shredded & thrown across the room. The dress & bra flung somewhere for you to find eventually. Your mind is now on the fact that you can hear Daves belt hit the floor behind you too.

“Dave please”

You groan as he he kisses both your arse cheeks & then slowly rolls your knickers off your arse. You’re dripping for him already & he sees it pooled in your material as he removes them.

“Is my little slut already gagging for me?” He groans. You hadn’t heard his trousers or boxers come off, but your arse suddenly feels his bare penis rubbing against it. “I can use this” he say smirking rubbing his erect penis through the slick which has gathered, leisurely pumping himself. You then see a bottle of lube lying next to you on the bed, before it is gone in a blur. You moan & go to ask before he speaks. “I need to work you open first or…”he says smacking your arse cheek making you yelp, “maybe your arsehole is already puckering for me” he’s going to have sex in your arse. You have never done this before & you instantly tense up.

He takes the bottle of lube & covers your other enterance for him & you instinctively rock your arse back towards him, making his cock edge nearer your arse. No man has claimed it before, but this is Dave York & you are all his. He can fuck any hole he wants.

“Dave no one no, oooh baby” your words are interrupted, you didn’t realise he had the stimulator in his had that had been on your clit for the last few minutes, but your body shudders as the vibrations ignite your desire. Dave was right you did need educating to be his fuck toy & you can already feel your climax approaching.

“Ooh your cunt loves anything baby, that’s it rock, let me watch you enjoy yourself,” Daves desperate to start ramming you. But his eyes are hypnotised as to how quickly you settle into a rhythm. He ups the setting to make you moan more, almost losing his grip from the slick gathering.

“I know your nervous sweetheart” he whispers into your ear, you own hand now taking the toy to pleasure yourself with, as he reads himself”… but I promise to stop if you find it uncomfortable at any point okay, im going to take this slow & we will build up to more” you nod through your moans silently, unable to speak through pleasure. Dave then grabs your jaw firmly”consent sweetheart” it’s a snarl.

“Yes Mr York”

His penis covered in your slick & your arse covered in lube, he makes his slow approach seem like it takes forever. But the sting as it slips inside you, has you panting & gasping desperately.

“Dave oooh fuck” he stops & pulls out & then you say “again”. Each time he gets a little further inside you. Your cheeks parting, waiting to receive him. The stimulator was actually a brilliant idea as you move it to get more pleasure it’s distracting you from what Dave is doing to your arse.

“God everyone else has missed out on this delight” Dave states as he edges deeper inside you. “I’m the first, I’m taking your arse virginity, everyone else might have had that tight little cunt, the most gushing of pussys but this…oooh fuck” Dave can feel every inch on you as he’s half way to being fully inside your area & he stops. “I’ll properly destroy this another day, I’m sure there will be more occasions I need to thank you for.” & so Dave starts, his penis taking your arse, & you are having a pleasure over ride. “Say red of you want me to stop” he says as he gets going.

You lie in the big bath tub the next morning after having sex with Dave all night. A nap here & there interrupted by the sudden feeling of his lips sucking your breasts or his hands wandering to pleasure you. Dave has all the stamina in the world & he’s proving that right now as you swallow every last drop of his cum after his morning blow job. His face a delight watching you gulp him down.

“You are a cum hungry little slut sweetheart aren’t you.” He rubs your face & then lowers himself behind you in the Bath.

“I only get to taste the saltiest though Dave” you giggle as your wash yourself. You both reek of sex, but it intoxicates you both.

“So what we did last night, was that okay? You’re not to sore this morning?” Daves voice is one of genuine concern “if you don’t want to do anal again I understand, but”

“I ache Dave I’m not going to lie but” Dave is initially upset when you interrupt him you go to apologise but then you see his face nod to say keep going “…I am here to attend to your needs, & if that pleases you, we can work up to it & do it from time to time”

“So that’s not a no?” Dave smirks, he’s stoking his length in the Bath ready to give you another filling. “I mean no one else has fucked that glorious arsehole before, so it’s officially mine, I own it. No other bastard has fucked all your holes. Just me, just you assassin fuck buddy.” He lifts you up ready to place you on his lap.

“Only you Dave only you,” he slowly lowers you onto his penis as it effortlessly slides all the way into your arse. Your moan is deep & it’s stings but you feel invigorated. “Dave oooh Dave” he starts to bounce you in the tub.

“Stay sweetheart, let’s me keep thanking you,” he says as the water slashes as you start to get moving & into it & even enjoying it. “I promise you will never have a boring life looking after me & attending our needs”

[alfgifu]

Fic analysis 6. The calculations of the court

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47032546/chapters/118488160

Word count: 7,256

Chapters: 2

First posted: 8th May 2023

Last chapter up: 11th May 2023

Summary

Rial froze. The tea slopped out of the cup he had just lifted from its saucer, no doubt doing terrible things to the sleeve of his silk robe. “Sayo Mdang wants what?”

“He wants you,” said Loveless.

How and why this came about

I still loosely had in mind at this point that I was going to write a follow-up for all the appointments Cliopher had in Embers, but I was also beginning to get impatient with that self-imposed task, and had noticed that what I was interested in didn’t neatly slot into that pattern, so I was looking for ways to double things up. 

Rial Lord Irridis and Lady Kuyulush had some kind of friendship going on that was instrumental to the journey I’d worked through for Cliopher, but they were an odd pair. Most of what they had in common was that they didn't entirely belong, and that seemed like an interesting basis for a friendship. Figuring out what that looked like also gave me a chance to think through how Cliopher’s quiet revolution affected the remnants of the aristocracy.

What worked and what didn’t

I wrote all of this before Goddard released Game of Courts or I would have drawn on that more heavily throughout - but one thing I am kind of pleased about is that it all still feels plausible with that extra canon info on the court. (Which can’t be said for the friendship between Conju and Cliopher I rooted in the Embers and therefore Petty Treasons era, although again I feel like the vibes are plausible - enough to work as an AU.)

Rial is a proper wet cat of a character and the tension in his relationships seemed to work for readers. There was definitely something in the unhappy childhood, the trauma of the Fall, the weird unhappy little trap he had got into with his manservant Vobu… and of course the way family and court expectations had dictated so much of his life (particularly in his deliberate defiance of them). It turns out that layering past trauma on with a trowel and then letting the man slowly and clumsily push past it is pretty compelling, which will be shocking news to all those with blorbos I know.

This fic also has the first kissing scene I ever wrote, even if it’s just one paragraph. I was nervous about this at the time but it turned out fine.

What I learned from writing it

By the time I wrote this fic I was already feeling rather trapped by my earlier self’s blithe assumption that I’d do so many short follow ups. I was beginning to realise that the possibilities were infinite and some form of filtering and focus on what I really wanted was going to be important here.

Perhaps I was also beginning to grow more confident. I learned that writing a kiss was no different really from writing a handshake: I needed a sense of where the characters were physically in relation to one another for both, and to convey what the moment meant/felt like to them, but there was no ‘secret sauce’. It was the same challenge of getting into the head of a character and sharing their perspective.

I was also beginning to think of writing more content with mature themes. While this fic doesn’t really go there at all, it was the first time I was leaning into trauma and recovery and so on that was new or developed from the parts shared in canon. (I remember being anxious about the tagged allusion to childhood corporal punishment).

Perhaps the real insight was that I wasn’t stretching myself here. I was writing more of what I had already found I could write. Perhaps it was important to feel a bit bored and itchy about it, so that I’d be ready to try something bigger.

[eyes-of-rock]

Why does love have to change

Jack Blades x OC

Chapter One

Summary: Ren is the bassist of the successful Swedish Rock band Savage Seducion. She had it all, the great band and the fairytale romance with her guitarist and frontman Gunnar. That was until they broke up. Now Ren must navigate playing with her Ex as they tour America with Night Ranger. Along with new feelings for Night Rangers bassist Jack Blades.

A/N: yes I reused a band from another fic I abounded in order to write this one. Also, comments are welcomed and encouraged! Hope you enjoy!

Ren’s POV

I'm trying not to think about tomorrow. When I have to face my ex for the first time since we broke up a few months ago. He was the boy next door. I have known him my whole life, our parents were best friends and so we became friends. I started playing bass and he started playing guitar. We fell in love, or whatever love is to kids. We were thirteen. Then we decided at sixteen nothing was ever going to break us up so we might as well start a band together.

That was our first mistake. When you are sixteen we genuinely believe nothing is going to break up you and your boyfriend. You’re delusional and life hasn't kicked you down enough yet. We made it past school and our band grew. We got a record deal and still stuck together. We were 18 at this point. We'd been together all our teenage life and it was starting to break down. I had these feelings I needed to run. I needed to explore I needed to try something else. The love I once felt wasn't really romantic anymore. Yet I didn't want to fuck up our band. We had a massive following back in Sweden off our first album.

We were making it. I was living my dream of being a rockstar. So I kept hanging on to the relationship despite knowing I didn't love him anymore. I kept fighting it.

I mean he was the only love ever knew. What is wrong with me? My whole family wanted us together wanted us to get married wanted him to be my great love story. After all, it was looking like one of those stories you read about where the boy and girl next door live happily ever after. So I kept fighting it.

We made a decision to keep us being a couple as on the down low as possible. We didn't want that to be the identity of our band. Which looking back now should have been a sign.

Time went on, till last year. When I realized how unhappy I truly was. It all started when my mother started up her whole “why are you and Gunnar married” thing again. We're only 23 granted we have been together ten years. I realized how unnatural it was I really didn't want to marry him. I had no desire to spend the rest of my life with him. I didn't want to be his wife. I didn't see a future with us together. I wanted to run. I wanted to be free. How I was just holding on to this relationship to hold on to my band and make everyone around me happy. I didn't really love him anymore. I had to get out.

I remember thinking I'd have to start a new band. I can do that though. I can start over. I thought I'd shatter his heart. I thought he'd hate me and I was prepared for that.

I was shocked when It turned out he felt the exact same as me. We both knew this wasn't our forever love like we once thought and we had to cut ourselves free. We both knew it was what was best. So that's what we did. We decided since it was mutual and we really have no hate for one another to keep the band going. Why ruin a good thing?

So here I am months later. In San Francisco. Where our tour is going to start tomorrow with Night Ranger. They happen to be a band I really love. So I'm excited to your with them. I know it's going to be awkward but I also know I can work past it. I just need to focus on our music.

After all this the tour in support of our new album. The one we finished just before breaking up. It's really taken off here in America and I'm very proud of it. We've gone gold already and it's only been out a week! I'm excited to play the new stuff.

I decided to come a few days early so I could enjoy San Francisco a bit and relax before the awkwardness that was bound to happen. Right now I'm sitting in a nice convertible in an almost empty parking. I'm looking at the map to plan out my route to my next destination. I'm drinking some American soda, and just knowing the music and the nice weather.

Then I pop in my “Dawn Patrol” cassette into the cars cassette player. When I say I'm a fan of night ranger I mean it. I crank the radio and start singing along. Ex-boyfriends are tomorrow's problem.

————————————

Jack’s POV

I stop dead for a second when I suddenly hear my own music fill the air. Someone somewhere is blasting “Don't Tell Me You Love Me”. I look around looking for the source. It has to be nearby I can hear it very clearly. I look head into the parking lot and notice a woman sitting in a red convertible. She's got long black hair cut in what I call I rock n roll style. She's wearing sunglasses and she's the one blasting my music. It always makes me happy to see people enjoying my music. Especially when it’s pretty women.

In her lap, I notice she's studying a map. There is a good chance she's lost. I should go see if she needs help.

I walk over to her car and smile as I reach the driver's side. She notices me and turns down her radio down.

“If I’m not allowed to park her I can move.” She says, probably because the parking lot is empty. She has a thick accent of some kind. I’d say it’s European. Though I can’t place the exact country.

She’s dressed very rock. With tight black ripped jeans,cowboy boots and a crop top of the Swedish Band “Savage Seduction”. The band were actually starting a tour with next week. Interesting. Maybe she’s here for the concert? She seems to be fans of both bands.

“No, I actually came over to ask if you’re lost.” I tell her, pointing to the map on her lap. Also in her car is a pack of cigarettes, her purse, and a few cassettes. One of cassettes is actually our Album midnight Madness, and I can see the case for Dawn Patrol as well. The one she’s currently got on her cassette player.

It’s kind of funny she appears to be such a big fan yet hasn’t recognized me. Especially when I’m sitting on the cassette player box right next her. I don’t blame her though. I probably look much different without the spandex.

“Oh! No I’m just planing my route.” She laughs, “but thank you.”

“No big deal.” I tell her,then I point to the tape in the player.

“Great band aren’t they?”

“Night Ranger?” She asks, “yes the best.”

“Are you going to the show tomorrow?” I ask her, curious.

“You could say that yes.” She laughs, “Are you a fan?”

“You could say I am yes.” I tell her. I don’t like being full of myself and going ‘I’m Jack Blades the bassist and singer of the band’. It’s okay not everyone needs to know who I am. I also don’t want to come off as full of myself. Especially not to someone as pretty as she is, that’s the last thing I’d want her thinking of me.

“Well I really should get going.” She tells me with a smile.

“It was nice meeting you.” I tell her and I mean that I’m hoping I can see her tomorrow so I can give her a backstage pass.

“I was nice meeting you too.” She smiles as she drives off. Well shes someone I’m not going to forget for a while.

[dominimoonbeam]

Bite to Bruise - 23

This work is mine and I do not give consent for my works to be used, copied, published, or posted without my permission. I am sharing chapters as I work on this story but it is copyrighted material that I plan to rework and publish when completed.

story tags: modern-fantasy mashup, werewolves, witches, monsters, romance, learning to trust, hurt/comfort, blood, violence, explicit sex, explicit language

The earlier parts can be found under the tag or over on patreon. <3

BITE TO BRUISE - CHAPTER 23.

Florian Blackwell, third blood of the glorious midnight Odinette, Founder and King of the Court of Fleur, original architect of the city of Blackwell, screamed.

Her rage echoed through the halls, making the mortal spoils run and hide, and her shades rush closer. That was the tie of blood. She had touched the body and soul of a midnight, could still remember Odinette’s gaze upon her. Florian’s fingers still moved at her sides, remembering long hours spent brushing and braiding her midnight’s hair. In the centuries since Odinette left, no other kiss or press of limbs had ever come close. Her veins sang the song of her midnight, a melody passed down through the line, getting quieter and quieter with each generation but always there.

And they came to her, despite how easily she could destroy them, because they felt her heartache, and the song in her blood drove them to reach for her, as though their hands could patch those wounds.

The shade that had brought her the news dropped to his knees and pressed his forehead into the floor beside her heel.

All she wanted was the woods. Was it so much to ask for?

“The car went off the road and they were ambushed by the dogs,” the shade at her feet continued, speaking into the hardwood. “They set the orchard and the vehicle ablaze. Soren is missing and the other two are dead,” his voice cracked on that last word.

Dead.

Truly dead.

Lost to them forever.

Florian shook with wrath. “It was a simple task!” A simple task that had lost her two forever and Soren for now. Soren was no fool. How had this happened? “Did the Ceres pack betray our deal?”

“No,” another shade in the room promised.

Florian swung her gaze to the woman and the other dropped to her knees. It was the anger that drove them down. Sometimes they went out of delight and sometimes out of a desire to please her, but tonight it was fear. Her hands trembled, wanting to lay waste to life. It was an old habit, built in an age when they thought blood would soothe. It never really did, but if they drank enough and killed enough, that they could feel tired for a time.

 “They were unhappy to hear the turn of events,” the brave little shade reported in her calmest voice.

Florian missed Soren already. Soren was very good at delivering bad news. Now she had to retrieve him, on top of everything else.

She ground her teeth and buried her hands in her hair to keep from lashing out, twisting and pulling as she screamed again. All she wanted was the woods. All she wanted was what was hers.

Why did it have to be on the fenrir side of the forest? Why couldn’t the things in the deep crawl out on her side?

There was something great and old hiding in that wood, stirring now and scaring the other things living there out toward the edge—toward the dogs.

She needed to get closer.

She clawed her nails down her face, ripping open skin, tearing at her eyes behind delicate lids. Even in the dark, she still saw Odinette, still felt her. How could she have left her like this? How could she go someplace that Florian could not follow? Was it a test? Was the test to wait or to chase? Was it her patience and loyalty or her tenacity and ruthlessness that Odinette wanted proof of? If she only knew… If she would only have said!

Her hand traveled down her neck to her chest, ripping open the silk of her blouse and digging in deeper.

The room filled with gasps and screams, but they were not hers anymore.

Shades flooded in, pressing around her, trying to pull her hand from where it clawed deeper, shredding muscle with nails and breaking ribs, trying to get to her heart—to the soul that was no longer seated there. She couldn’t die. She had tried before. Tried many times.

They sobbed around her, begging her for mercy even when it was only herself she turned on. They wrapped around her, pressing kisses and whispering promises to do her will, desperate to soothe her.

A strong hand wrapped around her wrist, fingers sliding along her bloody palm inside her own chest to lace with her fingers there and draw her hand slowly out.

Florian shuddered out a breath, feeling the song in his blood like the song in hers, their palms together. When she opened her eyes, she already knew which of her court held her hand.

Odinette had only made six shades, and four had died in the immortal wars. The rest of their great court branched off from Florian and Primrose, sixth blood of the glorious midnight Odinette, Prince and Champion of the Court of Fleur. He held her bloody hand in both of his, lifting it until her knuckles pressed to his lips, the infinite darkness of his eyes holding her gaze and calming the rising storm in her soul. “May my blood spill with your blood,” he whispered old words in an older tongue.

The ground seemed to settle under her, the world sliding back into place. He had said those words to her many times, on battlefields, ballrooms, gardens, and graveyards. Sometimes he said it with a grin, a promise to wade into every fight alongside her, and sometimes it was spoken while crying over their dead, a reminder that she would never bear her pain alone.

“Prim…”

He thumbed the blood off her healed face like tears.

She knew they were not in agreement about the woods. He did not think she should push for it and kick up a war with the dogs again, but that was because he was not convinced that Odinette was inside. But Florian could feel it. She was there.

“Soren cannot be killed by dogs. Rest assured he will be returned to us.”

She cupped his cheek, smearing her blood on his skin. “Prim?”

He nodded. “I will look into it myself. If the Countess of Blackwell, King of the Court of Fleur, wants those woods, who am I to ignore her wishes?” He smiled, wide-mouthed and long-toothed. He had always been a beautiful creature and that was why Odinette had named him Primrose all those ages ago. Or maybe it had been to disguise his sharp cunning... Florian did not remember, for she loved all of him the same.

-

Oscar stood at the window of his apartment, looking out at the city as the sun came up.

His window was frosted in a bloom of delicate ice along the corners. They would melt just as soon as the light of that rising sun reached him. The light always won.

So why had he chosen to work for shades in the dark?

Why hadn’t he realized what a mistake that was until it was too late?

He pressed a thumb into his palm, where Baron’s teeth had been. The wound was healed but it felt like he would never forget the fear. He needed a way out of the choices he had made.

And he knew he was looking at it, even if he hadn’t quite figured out how to use it.

Half of Ceres had gone dark, abandoned after the slaughter of Kai’s pack.

The Hayes had claimed it. Only the Hayes were far from Ceres. Yet, somehow, they had appeared in the middle of Kai’s territory without anyone knowing they were coming. No one had seen them arrive and no one had seen them leave, though plenty had seen them running through that side of the city, chasing the rest of Kai’s pack out.

Portalling was a rare skill but not completely uncommon. But to be able to take someone else through a portal? To hold one open and let a whole pack move through it? That was unheard of, the idea almost as absurd as that of a witch helping wolves.

No wonder everyone assumed Ever had just gone unnoticed—somehow slipping into that south-western part of Ceres without anyone knowing. There were even stories spreading about how he’d killed everyone on his way to Kai. Only, that couldn’t explain how the whole pack never felt him coming until it was too late.

Why would Bellamy help that pack? Was she trading favors or paying a debt? Was she really still in Dog Lands?

The frost melted when he wasn’t looking.

His nail broke the newly healed skin on his palm.

He had to find that witch before Baron.

[pom-talks]

Goodbye, my rose garden

Spoilers ahead!

«Hanako, you need to kill me»

I found out about this manga thanks to the fact that Ukraine got a license for it. I ordered the first volume and read it a long time ago, I was thinking of waiting for the translation of the other two, but I couldn't wait anymore (because it takes too long, I received the first volume at the beginning of February) and decided to finish reading it in English. I can certainly say that I liked this manga.

This story about two women who were brought together by their love for books has only 3 volumes and 17 chapters. It is quite short, but nevertheless managed to evoke emotions in me. The characters are well written and the manga has a very nice drawing. In addition, this story is not only about the forbidden love of two women in England at the beginning of the 20th century, but also about feminism.

Alice is a noblewoman, which means she has a status to uphold. At that time, women had to marry other noblemen, in order to save the face of their family. It's good if a couple loves each other, but what if they don't? That's how it is with Alice - she wants to maintain the status of her family, but she will be unhappy in a marriage without love. There are rumors about her that she likes other women and they turn out to be true. Her fiance once says a well-known for many phrase that when she gives birth to children she'll realize that this is what happiness is, and everything else was just nonsense (her relationship with Hanako).

The manga describes all these problems of women at that time, how they couldn't even freely write their own books (Alice uses a male pseudonym to publish her books). They don't even want to read Hanako's book, and all because of her gender. In short, a misogynistic reality as well as homophobia typical for that time. Two women (or two men) cannot be together, because it is wrong, it'll destroy the status of the family and in general it is all nonsense.

To be honest, on the last few pages I was already losing hope for a happy ending, although I understood that it should be one and I am glad that it really is a happy ending. I don't know how Alice and Hanako's story continued, but the most important thing is that they are together and that they are happy. By the way, I wonder what Hanako's book is about and how the other girls from the town where Hanako was sent on "vacation" are doing. The manga is a quick read and I definitely recommend it. I'm still not sure if I'll buy the other two volumes in Ukrainian, but I like the covers as well as the story itself, so I might buy it for the collection.

[ingravinoveritas]

neil clarified that it's not the fans he's upset with and that all he asks for is for people to either stop showing the leak or to at least mark it and the conversation around it as spoilers, which is more than reasonable. i still can't believe that what is possibly the biggest moment for the fandom has gotten out like this and that people are so insensitive when it comes to not putting up any warnings. i was hit by the image on twitter this morning and i'm still unhappy, hours later, about something that usually would've brought me immense joy, because the show means so much to me and i wanted to experience the season in the way it was intended. maybe just don't say that you're not going reveal the spoiler only to then talk about it in a way that leaves no questions. you can tag for potential spoilers on tumblr and there is also a read more option, so you're able to put things under a cut. it takes so little effort to be more considerate.

(Grouping all of the Anons that I got in response to my post together. Not included in this array is another Anon that I am not posting by request, but the tone is very similar to Anon #1, so that should give you an idea of things.)

Okay, so...wow. Obviously there are a lot of feelings around what happened, which is understandable. But what I'm a bit taken aback by is the seeming lack of personal accountability in a few of these responses. At no point was anyone obligated to continue reading my post if they thought a spoiler was about to be shared, and I find it peculiar that some folks are getting angry at me because they decided to employ critical thinking skills while reading my post (and also, why would you keep reading if you didn't want to see a spoiler but thought one might be forthcoming?).

There's also the notion that The Thing by its very nature is a strange thing to categorize as a spoiler because it shouldn't be surprising or a "twist" for these characters to be in a confirmed relationship...unless Neil was hoping to score brownie points with it after all of the "queer-baiting" accusations from last season. But blaming me for somehow adding to the sturm und drang around the spoiler news is not on, because while I realize I am an easy target (certainly easier than Amazon, at any rate), all of the above is also failing to take into account that I did not actually share the spoiler in my post.

That being said, I am certainly glad that Neil did indeed clarify (on Tumblr and Twitter) that he is not upset with the fans. The problem is, by the time he did so it was already too late, as the post he reblogged had received much more traction than the follow-up(s) and fans were already taking his word as chapter and verse and turning on other fans. This was also another point of concern, seeing how intense the parasocial relationship between some of the fans and Neil seems to be. As I've said previously, it is absolutely understandable for Neil to be upset/angry about what happened and we can, as fans, say that his wishes as the creator should be respected.

But where I saw things go way over the top was what you mentioned, Anon #3. People seemingly breaking down and falling over themselves to apologize to Neil, as if we are his friends whom he would have come over with a cup of tea or a bottle of wine to cheer him up after a bad breakup. So it was that particular response that I felt was really disproportionate to the events that occurred.

Anon #2, the link you shared does work, and I had to laugh at the highlighted comment, as well as Neil's original one, which now seems to have aged like milk left out in the hot sub-Saharan sun for an entire week. In a way, we can definitely say that Neil did warn us, and what he said came true--that if one hung around the official channels, little bits and things would be released into the wild. Amazon very much did fuck up, but it's hard not to find the hilarity (and irony) of them fucking up in the most Good Omens-y, "incompetent angel and demon losing the Antichrist" way possible.

To your point, Anon #3, the leak happened because a 2-frame clip was included in a compilation video that Amazon posted that included clips from multiple shows. But it's for this very reason that most fans didn't think or realize that it was a leak in the first place. So I think you could classify it as a poorly done promo, because whether it was intentional or not (and goodness knows I've seen plenty of theories floating around as to which is the case), it still generated buzz and discussion around the show, which is what promotion of any kind is meant to do.

As you said, however...in the end, is this truly going to make anyone not watch the show? I was away/nonstop busy last week and weekend, so I haven't really had time to process everything, but now that it's sinking in, I am SO incredibly excited. While, yes, it would've been lovely to learn this information in the context of the show and I do understand people who feel disappointed due to this, I genuinely cannot imagine how this news could make the experience of GO 2 less joyful, or why any GO fan would not watch the show because of it. I also have posts from as far back as a year and a half ago alluding to these developments only as a possibility, and I'd very much like to reblog some of those just because of how amazingly/hilariously well they have aged.

With all of that in mind, as I stated previously, any posts I do make from here on out that allude to the spoiler even slightly will be tagged as such (with the tag #go2 spoilers), and will be placed under a "Keep Reading" cut. Because I know there are folks who are dying to talk about all this, whose excitement may have been tempered somewhat in the wake of the fallout but who I am sure are feeling elated and full of anticipation now more than ever.

So those are my thoughts on the follow-up to last week's fandom implosion. Hopefully I've addressed some of the concerns people have, and while I know I likely won't change anyone's mind, I have plenty of other feelings and thoughts to share that I hope folks will stay tuned for...

[bitch-its-sleeping-beauty]

I know over the years I’ve changed a lot as a person. I’m not the same girl I was even 8 years ago. Favorites have changed, friends, activities.

I go through phases. I become really hooked on things and obsess. But the one thing is that’s I’ve always been happy. Yeah I have my fair share of heartbreaks, disappointments, and wrong turns. Nothing has quite been like this. I feel as though I’m a jumbled up mess. Happiness is hard to come by these days. It’s a strange feeling to feel so low. Yeah I have happy moments still but they don’t last long.

I thought moving to San Francisco would be this long awaited dream I had always had. Younger Bianca always wanted to move there. But as I grew older wants and dreams have shifted. In blur of a messy breakup, the urge for big change was on my mind. At this point I’ve discovered it was a mistake. I didn’t leave home because I was unhappy. I left for a big change, thinking all about new good positive things the future could hold.

A very happy, positive Bianca moved. Little did she know what the next few months would hold for her. I got back together with my boyfriend aside from that, the day to day life was not what I expected. Being alone so much could really take a toll on someone who’s come all the way hardly knowing anyone. I guess I’ve always had that one friend who likes to go out as much as me, and not having that there felt like a big hole in my life. I thought I’d be happy with doing this alone, but in reality the feeling of doing things alone didn’t feel as rewarding and exciting like it did when I was home.

Since being there I’ve been in the biggest funk of my life. I’m sad a lot. The day to day is just survival. It makes me even more sad that the city I love and I have such an uncomfortable relationship. Like all I loved, feels completely numb and nonexistent. I always loved visiting there, but maybe it wasn’t about the location but the people I loved and who I was with when I was there. The people made the city seem dazzling, not the city alone. It’s a hard concept to have to come to terms with.

The day to day like I said is rough. I have no pleasure in waking up and doing anything. Work is overwhelming. Necessities have become inconvenienced. The activities I loved to do, I have no will to do. Cooking is just to eat, no more enjoyment, or experimenting. Art, I have no inspiration in myself to even pick up a pen .The urge to try new activities seems impossible. The urge to go out and discover new places is nonexistent.

As miserable as I am, moving home seems like it’ll give me the peace in my mind and heart I’m longing for. A part of me is strangely nervous about leaving even though it’s all I think about. The fear that I’ve become so lost I’ve completely lost my way all together. There will be things I’ll miss when I leave, but the one good thing is I can always visit. A part of me will miss my cute little apartment with the good view I had fallen in love with the first time I stepped into it. Over time it’s just become a backdrop. When I look at it the awe I once had is sadly no longer there. Falling out of love with a city you’ve loved for nearly your whole life is a pretty heart wrenching thing, and seems to add to the whole sadness of this experience.

Being an adult and realizing the simple joys in life really make your life full is a different kind of discovery. Laundry, grocery shopping, driving the convenience of it all. Pretty sunsets, nature, a good cup of coffee, etc.

Unfortunately all I ever wanted to do when I came and so i thought living there how excited I was to dress up with the cutest, trendiest outfits. When I came for my birthday I felt so confident and stylish. Since then I haven’t dressed up like that all but one time. Even that girl can’t break through the dark cloud that hangs around her.

With this sadness so heavy on my mind and heart. I hope whatever the future holds for my next chapter I’m preparing myself I can say I followed my heart, and that all the love and joy I’m about to pour in, is rewarding and I find that peace in my heart and mind I once had. I hope future Bianca gets what she dreams about. I hope I feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be.

Dear God, please don’t leave my side during these turbulent times. I need your strength more than ever. I know I thought you were pushing me to this jump to the city where I am. But maybe it was for some sort of self discovery or a sign that my heart belongs to Cody and I needed this distance to realize it. I know you have a plan in place for me already. Just guide me back to happiness, I’ve never truly felt more in the dark than I have in this time of my life right now.

Yours Truly,

B